Hello everybody! Some people have known me from the past. I've been away for awhile because I needed a break. However, I've been bothered lately about my thoughts about regretting not dying after every suicide attempt I did in my past. I posted on Facebook that "I wasn't supposed to live, I was supposed to die". I was talking about all the attempts I've survived and how I regret that I lived through them. The memories are bad and I just wish I never could remember them and that's why I wish I could be dead, or at least unconscious for a long time. I don't want to be a vegetable though. I was thinking about getting ECT again to possibly zap out all the bad stuff but I know it'll zap out a lot of good stuff too so that's not a very good option. All the thoughts I'm bothered by are overwhelming me. Plus I'm infatuated with somebody and can't get him out of my head. I am going crazy.