I've been unfaithful.. what next?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by jessikah2k8, Mar 2, 2009.

  1. jessikah2k8

    jessikah2k8 Well-Known Member

    I love my boyfriend so much. But recently his mum has taken away everything from him - his phone, his computer and he's not allowed out. Basically, I haven't talked to him for days. I was starting to get really lonely, so I agreed to go out with a good friend of mine, James.

    My boyfriend's called Warren and we've been together 2 months now, so it's still early days. He has been great to me; gave up everything to be with me; likewise with me but I am so paranoid that we are growing apart, it makes me upset. Like I'll sit and cry - it's nothing he's done wrong.. but yeah..

    When I was out with James, I had a choice. He asked for a kiss, he told me I didn't have to - but I did. And it felt so good to finally get the attention I had been wanting for the last few days. But afterwards, I felt so bad, I went and cried for hours, and then rang Warren. His voice soothed me so much, and I realised how much I missed him. It absolutely killed me.

    James is a lovely lad - but I'm with Warren and really want to try with him. But I don't know.. the distance between us is killing me so much, and making me so upset.

  2. Lyse

    Lyse Guest

    Is it really love if you end up being unfaithful after being apart from him for just a few days? As for what's next, though... surely you're going to tell him? Otherwise both you and him will keep living together under a facade of a relationship.
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Honestly, if you can't be faithful after only a few days then your relationship doesn't stand a chance when it comes to the greater challenges that are sure to manifest themselves in any relationship.
  4. JBird

    JBird Well-Known Member

    you've already made the mistake of not being honest with him from the second it happened.
    i don't agree with the whole 'i was lonely' shit, no offence but if you were lonely and not in a relationship, would that make you go out and pull someone? whats wrong with just having a friend to keep you company? until you learn to deal with the loneliness you felt you shouldn't be with someone because you'll just keep doing it.

    cheating is wrong however drunk/stoned/emotional you were when it happened and it doesn't make it any better just because you feel guilty. if you want any chance with this guy then you need to tell him but you can't blame him or his mother, it was you who decided to do it, james even asked if you were sure and you said yes.

    but like i said, you shouldn't stay with this guy or be with anyone until you learn to deal with the lonliness you felt.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: Jessikah,

    Perhaps you should take a break from all relationships, you sound like you need time out to think, Don't rush anything hun,you have plenty of time. Perhaps go back to being friends with both,then see who you feel right being with? :hug:
  6. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    "I'd kill myself if I had a girlfriend and she had been unfaithful to me. Or at least I would if I had lost part of my virginity (which would mean all of my virginity, in the end).

    ...I'd probably kill her too. "

    um why?? that is a v scary response
  7. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Hi Jessikah,

    Vikki's dropping wisdom like usual. Before you can have a good relationship with another person, it's important to have a good relationship with yourself. I know it's hard, but if you can't stomach your own emotions than it's best not to add another person's emotions on top of it.

    Cheating is just plain wrong. But lots of people make that mistake, unfortunately. Consider what Vikki and Daisy said.
  8. Lyse

    Lyse Guest

    I see that someone has deleted this post of mine. Same with the post from the person who merely asked how one could be unfaithful, and pointed out how it destroys people. I don't think unsupportive posts would get deleted if someone said they had beaten the shit out of someone, even though that can be recovered from much more easily, generally. But many that end up victims to adultery will end up miserable forever and may have to end their lives. Somehow, however, that is more acceptable.

    As for the question "why"... why not? No use living if your life is guaranteed to be ruined. And if people hurt me I hurt them.

    ...This will just get censored, as well, though.
  9. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Since my post was deleted, I guess il just repost it in 'nicer words'

    Dont cheat.
  10. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    You say James is lovely... did he know you were in a relationship and feeling kinda upset? If so it kinda seems like he isn't so nice :unsure:
  11. Lyse

    Lyse Guest

    Doesn't necessarily make a difference. Maybe the moderator has been unfaithful, theirself, and sees nothing wrong with it. Just a thought. :smile:

    I'm staying out of this thread, now. It'll just get closed and with me put "under moderation" if I keep posting.
  12. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    not sure what or why anything got deleted and i do not care for cheaters much either but i think saying that you would kill someone who did is a bit extreme? we are responsible for ourselves, is not our place to go around harming others in that way cos we get hurt.
    killing yourself cos someone cheated on you is not worth it. the person was not right for you and who is to say when you may meet someone amazing..
    very few people are still with the person they lost their virginity with..
    as we go thorugh life some relationships will end up badly and if we are lucky we will find someone who we can be with long term. i think most of us have been cheated on and yes it sucks. remember also the OP here did not give a lot of details about their own situation of circumstances.
    also remember unless i have misread the OP only kissed someone. everyone makes mistakes, esp when young.