I've cured, but I'm not cured

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by AnomymousX, Oct 20, 2007.

  1. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    Once upon a time, there was a man who called himself Zippy, sound familiar? It should. Anyway, Zippy was on youtube watching funny videos, so Zippy joined the forum of the people who made the funny videos (who happen to be Barats and Bereta, ever hear of them?). Moving on, Zippy met a girl online who was so cute and had an awesome personality, Zippy thought he fell in love, but he had to play it cool, he didn't think a girl so pretty would want such an eager guy. While Zippy spent more and more time on this forum, he decided to post some of his own videos (Yes, Zippy is a filmer, he is the founder of the film group called "Platinum"). After Zippy showed his funny videos and made some hilarious posts, the girl on this forum became interested in Zippy and added him on MSN and every once in a while they talked.

    Then one day, Zippy was in a MSN multi-person convo with all his best friends and some online acquaintances, so Zippy added the girl to the convo, everyone seemed to have gotten along great, everyone was having a good time.

    Days later, the girl talked to Zippy less and less. Come to find out Zippy's best friend (one of which was in the convo) and the girl have taken a liking to each other. Zippy didn't mind this at first, but later he became more and more jealous, so jealous that he started doing things he wouldn't normally do. Zippy's best friend and the girl noticed Zippy's actions and both found out that Zippy might have a crush on this girl, after Zippy realized his secret was let out, he had to come clean to both his best friend and the girl and everything worked out in the end, and everything was accepted, but in the end, the girl and the best friend were still liking each other. Even though Zippy told the truth about everything, he got even more jealous and depressed, so depressed that he couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, he couldn't do ANYTHING, the depression was so bad that he thought death was the only way to cure it. Zippy couldn't handle anymore depression, even though he was an Agnostic/kind of Athiest, he prayed to Jesus to help take the pain away, Zippy would OFFER anything in the world to take the pain away and get over this girl.

    Even though Zippy was under depression, he saw more things more positively, and saw some things differently. All this new "positiveness" was good for a person, but no use since Zippy was still under depression. Zippy couldn't take it anymore, death might... Be... The only way to end this. On one night, Zippy was doing something he has almost never done before, cried, yes, he cried for maybe an hour, he felt everyone in the world's pain come to share the burden with him. Zippy cried to Jesus and God, "Please, see my tears, see my pain, I can't deal with his pain." As Zippy cried more, he prayed to Jesus to make sure his best friend and the girl would live the longest happiest lives together. Even though the best friend and girl liked each other, both of them did NOTHING to hurt Zippy, chances are, it was probably Zippy's fault. Zippy had the chance to tell the girl his feelings, but no, Zippy wanted to be "cool" and "calm" thinking the girl would be even more attracted to him, but that failed. Zippy later found that his best friend and the girl were CALLING EACH OTHER. Even though the girl lived in Canada and the friend lived in the U.S. Zippy thought he would be absolutely DEVASTATED by this! But alas, he wasn't, he was proud his friend finally found a lover. Remember how Zippy wished for the two to have happy lives? Well they found each other, and now they do. If I never existed, the two lovebirds never would've met. The best friend and the girl would only tell Zippy about this "love" stuff since Zippy was super trustable and easy to talk too. So you see, I brought two people to their happiness!

    But Zippy is still hurt from time to time, knowing that he may never find something for himself, maybe his depression would never go away, maybe death was the answer, Zippy has no choices left. He STILL keeps thinking about the best friend and girl. Zippy claims to not love the girl like a girlfriend, but more like a little sister now, but still, Zippy can't stop thinking of it and may never recover from these mortifying feelings in his body.
  2. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni


    Well, at the very least, you're a compassionate fellow, and that merits something.

    I hate to use a cliché, but there are more girls out there, as I'm sure you know. You'll recover eventually. Just hold out. You'll never forget, but you'll be able to deal. It'll be another tick in your timeline.

    Perhaps you've got promise... ever thought of taking up writing? :dunno: You appear to have skill in expression.

    Hey, in any case, I don't mean to try and analyze you... because that'd be annoying....

    I do hear where you're coming from, and I sympathize. I hope you find something out there for you.

    In the meantime, feel free to drop me a PM anytime you'd like a chat or anything.

    Good luck and best wishes. Sorry things aren't too spiffy. :hug:
  3. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    Hmm, well my name is Zippy on other forums except this one, so that story could come off as confusing at first.

    I'm not quite sure about this, but I think the girl finds me creepy now and might be afraid to talk to me. I don't care how intimate my friend and this girl get, I don't care if they start a "We hate Zippy" rally, I don't care how much they get into each other so much they forget about me (even though my existence brought them together in the first place), I don't care if they use their whole life together planning to kill me in the slowest way possible. The girl will have a permanent place in my heart for infinite years to come, no matter how much she might dislike me, and my best friend will remain my friend until the end of existence.

    Even though I'm in this giant depression state, I do realize the good things I have in my life, and I cherish them, but I can't get this girl out of my head and I don't know why. Whether I am sleeping or awake, I feel this pain. When I sleep, I dream about this stuff, and when I wake up, I'm even more depressed because this stuff is still on my mind and your body is in a slow mood when you wake up.

    Guess who the first person was to know that my best friend liked the girl? Me! Yes, my great friend actually admits stuff to me before his own mother, because he finds me that trustable. I'm so happy for these two but my heart aches for reasons unknown.

    And to be quite frank, I am a writer, I write scripts for my shows at platinum-cube.com (me and the best friend that I'm talking about both made this site). But this depression is more than my body can handle, taking my own life would be the biggest waste on the planet, but I can't focus on anything and I don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life.

    I know I can't control who a girl can love, but I want someone special up there to let this girl know exactly how I feel about her, you know, let her know in a way that I could never show even if I tried. This girl is like a little sister to me.

    I don't know how long I can hold out, I'm trying to beat this, but I'm failing. My case is even worse because I'm very strange and my brain is not well put together, sometimes I think I was born with something wrong.
  4. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    I'm sure you're fine. You weren't born with anything wrong other than a passionate heart and a mind that requires more intellectual stimulation than most to be satisfied. :hug:

    I understand what you mean. This girl will, doubtless, forever hold a place in your heart and mind. However, you can move past dwelling on her, and past these little bereft ideas that move you into a depression.

    I bet you're a good guy (even your friend knows it!), so things are bound to change for you. You probably won't feel this way for the rest of your life. You're allowed to feel badly from time-to-time, even if it is for "reasons unknown". You're just as entitled to your periods of low as anyone else. This is just the aftermath of a less-than-ideal experience. If worse comes to worst, you can always seek assistance (counseling, etc..) in your fight for emotional change.

    It's great you cherish the good things in your life; this will make your recovery from the way you're feeling now even easier. And the fact that you've come to terms with and are acknowledging your feelings shows that you're not failing. You can and will beat this, it's just a rock in the road.

    Take care.
  5. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    Well, I've had a talk with this girl online again, she seemed very confident to speak to me and we had quite a humorous conversation. She said she might come here to visit my friend while meeting us on the side. Now I'm worrying about how safe she'll be traveling here. And now my friend is mad at me because he knows I want to meet her too and is suspicious of me... I still can't stop thinking of them though.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 20, 2007
  6. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni


    But hey, things will blow over.

    Hope for the best. :smile:

    Your friend shouldn't be suspicious. Try and reassure him that there's no reason to be.

    :hug: G'luck.
  7. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    I hope they blow over. I can't live with it, I have a girl with suspicions that I might like her and a best friend losing my trust. Oh my god, my body can't handle it, the thing that's keeping me from killing myself is one string.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 20, 2007
  8. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni


    It will blow over. Just stay strong.

    Do your best to hang onto that one string.
  9. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    Dude, everyday I wake up I have this GOD AWFUL feeling in my body. Now I'm a shaky bastard and I can't focus on any work and I cant eat. I am destroyed, I can't go to school like this, my life has been broken. Every single day I will know that this girl I might love will be with my friend, I'm happy for them, but this thought bugs me.

    Augh, I want this fucking shit to go away.
  10. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    The issue's much more psychological than anything. I'm sorry you're dealing with it, but tell yourself that if you don't allow yourself to cope, you're not going to. There are so many 'might's, anyway. You might love her, you might have had her. Instead of seeing it as a tragedy, see it as an opportunity from which to grow. You've learned the sting of, uhm (there's hardly a word for this), unreciprocated emotion ("unrequition" should be a word :dry:). It happens. You'll cope. Dwelling on it will drive you insane. :yes:

    Yet if it's causing you such pain thinking about it, you might have to remove the pain-source. That is, only have minimal contact with her.

    If not, then because something is better than nothing, just be happy you can still talk to her? :type:

    But, lo and behold, :doh: there are other girls. Chances are you'll find one....

    In the meantime, maybe you need to get yourself some counseling or something, to calm down? This not being able to focus and eat and stuff should go away in time, but if it's extreme and worrisome, you need to get it under control.

    I'm pulling for ya.
  11. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, this is the most awkward of any situations I have been in. Once I get my anti-depressant pills, I will overdose on them. The only reason she would ever talk to me is because I'll talk to her first. I've been shot down too many times, and now, it's time for me to make the final shot.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 21, 2007
  12. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    :hug: I wish you wouldn't... and I hope you haven't :unsure:. Please don't jump to any extremes before you've exhausted all your options. :sad:

    Feel free to talk to me if you need. I'll be around. I can't make you do or not do anything, but I strongly encourage you try everything before you "make the final shot".

    In any case, the last thing you need is to miss the final shot and wind up in more hell than you initially were.

    Please hang on. :hug:
  13. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    Hm, what luck, them pills didn't come in. The social worker says I might have OCD, but what does that matter..? I have a lovely girl dating my best friend that I might never see! Not to mention everyone I know never listens to word I say! Ain't that amazing?! I wish I could go to heaven and tell God what a fuck up he is for making people like me.

    I'm very close to using my life for getting drunk and getting laid at random times.

    Edit: Do you know what it's like to not listen to your favorite songs because it reminds you of horrible mistakes in your life?
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2007
  14. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni


    And, dude. I feel for you. :hug: But things can improve, you know? This is just a heap of shit being thrown at you at once, but things can improve.

    I know how it is people not listening to a word you say. Sucks, yeah. But you deserve to be heard, and you will be someday.
  15. hey, i read post number 3 where you said that all though you can't control who the girl loves but you care so much for her. I loved (atleast think i did/do) as soon as i met her, i literally saw her and without even speaking to her i knew she was perfect. she was stunning looking, very smart, very kind.. i literally can't think of anything bad. there were literally like 4 guys chasin after her at each point in time! for years up untill now, everytime their family is going somewhere that we have been invited 2, i demanded to go to that place etc. we even went on holidays together afta a while. we became close and although only as friends ( i wanted more) we came pretty close, den i find out earlier dis year dat she had a crush on me. I was thrilled and immediatly started texting her etc. and then it came 2 buisness and wen i asked her out she suddenly backfired and said that she could'nt because she didn't want to ruin the friendship we had. It crushed me and for nine months i was chasin after her. i did everything i could to get back with her, everything she does i think why, is it a sign? etc. i casnn't get over her and now i just did summit and her family hates me (i think) and i don't know if she even likes me as a friend now.

    I know exactly how you feel which is why i replyed. please please talk to me as a straight head on things?
  16. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    I have one wish, just one wish. I wish I had the ability to not love women in the girlfriend way, the friend way I don't care about, but I don't want to truly love women anymore (not that I want to be gay) but yeah, I want my love taken out.

    My loving women is my weakness, but if I can't get rid of my love, I can get rid of me. I have this planned out you see, I can't win anything in life, once I get those pills, I will take them all at once, I will take them until my brain fries and stomach bleeds, then I will find liquor or beer you see, I will drink it until I forget my name, I will refuse to eat you see, I'll refuse until I digest myself.

    Everyday I wish for my fucking heart to stop, but noo noo, I have to wake up my annoying alarm and go to my school. My life is broken record. If I survive the day of the pills, I will tell of my experience on this forum, if I don't make it, may God have mercy on my useless and unknown soul.
  17. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni


    bless you, kid.

    best wishes.
  18. AnomymousX

    AnomymousX Well-Known Member

    I don't get the pills for days yet. Once the day of overdose comes, one of three things will happen:

    - Absolutely nothing, I live on.
    - I pass out or suffer of extreme pain, I live on.
    - I don't live on.

    I'll write a will though, if I wake up into the next dusty day, I'll tear up the will and admit of my insanity, and choose to continue my life, if I don't make it, may I see the bright souls of another world. I hope I don't laughed and mocked at in heaven, if there is one.

    May you live a 1000 years of a happy life full of love, I'm talking to you The_Discarded.
  19. geolab101

    geolab101 Well-Known Member

    have you considered talking to your male friend, or is that not an option?

    good luck.
  20. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Duly acknowledged.


    I hope you find peace.