This isn't going where you think it is. I'm not going to kill myself. Short term anyways. I've been sitting alone in my house, in the same chair for 1 month now. I don't move i don't do anything. I don't have any friends, and the friends that i do have aren't close, they don't invite me anywheres. Where i live is a small rural community. Very clicky and redundant. Everyday everyone sits in the same chairs, at the same tables. On the same benches at the same time. I have decided that i don't want to kill myself. But what i want is to be happy. Where i am, i can't be happy. You might see where im going with this. The only other productive solution i can see to this situation, is to get away. I'm running away. In doing this, im going to write a fake suicide note, and leave. Im going to start over and this time i wont make the same mistakes. I really don't know why im even writing this, im not leaving until wednesday. And i guess why im writting here, is because really, like killing myself, its not something i want to do, but something that seems like the only option. I guess i just want somebody to talk me out of it. Im a very self aware person. I know i don't want to leave, but i know it will be better for me. I can't talk myself out of it, so i doubt anyone else, can. But im asking that you please try, i really need help, finding a reason to hold on.