I've decided that this life isn't for me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BenJ, May 16, 2011.

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  1. BenJ

    BenJ Active Member

    This isn't going where you think it is. I'm not going to kill myself. Short term anyways.
    I've been sitting alone in my house, in the same chair for 1 month now. I don't move i don't do anything. I don't have any friends, and the friends that i do have aren't close, they don't invite me anywheres. Where i live is a small rural community. Very clicky and redundant. Everyday everyone sits in the same chairs, at the same tables. On the same benches at the same time.
    I have decided that i don't want to kill myself. But what i want is to be happy. Where i am, i can't be happy.
    You might see where im going with this.
    The only other productive solution i can see to this situation, is to get away.
    I'm running away. In doing this, im going to write a fake suicide note, and leave. Im going to start over and this time i wont make the same mistakes.
    I really don't know why im even writing this, im not leaving until wednesday. And i guess why im writting here, is because really, like killing myself, its not something i want to do, but something that seems like the only option. I guess i just want somebody to talk me out of it. Im a very self aware person. I know i don't want to leave, but i know it will be better for me. I can't talk myself out of it, so i doubt anyone else, can. But im asking that you please try, i really need help, finding a reason to hold on.
     
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I don't think that anyone ever really wants to die, they just want their pain to end

    I think that things can get better for you, you just have to have a good strategy for dealing with your problems

    maybe moving out of your town might be good for you. probably best to do that in an organized way though

    just being on the road starting from a position being suicidal is dangerous.

    so if what you want is to move out, try to think of some viable options

    do you have a relative that you trust that you could live with?

    maybe a foreign exchange program?

    where ever you end up, no guarantee that things there will be better though

    maybe get some meds and therapy for now
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I agree with May you need to get you stable before you move okay. Moving is very stressful and if you do not have a plan then it will not go off well. Why even lie about running away jsut tell people outright you need space so give it to me okay. other ways of getting you on a different track then running off.
    First get you stable then make a good plan about leaving before you do hugs
     
  4. Dulce

    Dulce Member

    Aw, I'm sorry you're feeling this miserable.

    Just know, that you will recover. It's in you to get out of this dark place, and you will. You have many people here who care about your well-being, and about you. You have other options; I know it seems like it's the end, but it's not.

    My best wishes :)
     
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I don't reccomend running away unless your rich..Living on the streets is hard.. Never knowing where your next meal is coming from, no where to sleep and feel safe.. Eventually you start dumpster diving to find food..Been there and done that..I eventually joined the Marines so I would have three hots and a cot..
     
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