I've decided to do it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Endlessagony, Nov 4, 2011.

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  1. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Seeker

    There's no point anymore to anything, I'm already dead inside. I've researched the best method and just need to get what I need. Nobody loved me and nobody will, why should I carry on with this crippling pain? Knowing that it will come to an end gives me peace.
  2. clairedelune

    clairedelune Wanderer

    This is really not the best solution. Hope you can change your mind about this. :sad:
  3. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    hello Endless,

    Depression is a state of mind that can be healed, as awful as you feel right now. You'll see a lot of people here know exactly were you come from. You need to enroll support in real life and if you hang around here, you'll see how supportive this place can be. Do not give up without a fight, there is a life on the other side of the tunnel and it can be pretty darn good.
  4. Joshua2803

    Joshua2803 Well-Known Member

    Hi. Even though your situation may seem desperate,remember that you are not alone and that nearly everyone is coping with some type of problem today.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 4, 2011
  5. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Seeker

    I'm 29 now and the last time I was really happy in my life was when I was 6. For the past 23 years I've struggled with this shit and I can't simply take it anymore. I've heard all the cliches in the book. "Your life can change for the better" etc. I'm just wondering when that will happen? I have deep seated scars in me that prevent me from living a normal life, where are they suddenly going to go? I don't want to burden my friends with it, they can't understand anyway. I'm on meds too which don't do much. I have seen professionals who don't really care. I was bullied a lot in school growing up (I tried to commit suicide when I was 10) and my parents were verbally abusive calling me a worthless lazy bum because I was depressed. I was in a violent relationship for 9 years because I didn't want to be alone until finally she cheated on me and started spreading lies about me to family and friends (which everyone believed).

    I've tried reaching out to people but they don't take me seriously. I can see no possible future where things are good, in fact I can't see a future anymore. I'm just waiting for the pain to end.
  6. under1

    under1 Member

    I understand how you feel completely.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 4, 2011
  7. ninnie

    ninnie Member

    Hi Endlessagony,
    I'm truly sorry for how you feel, which is kind of strange because today I also decided to 'do it'. I can't see my way out of anything anymore and what strikes me as strange is that I don't care at all if I'd die, but reading your posts my first reaction was: Och, don't do it. There are still good things in life too (such as a beautiful sun rise).
    Isn't that strange?
    Do you feel the same when you read other people's posts in which they announce that they want to end their lives?
    It confuses me a bit because it must mean that, unconsciously, if I have this feelings of hope for others, there must be a little bit of hope for myself in me somewhere too.

    Take care, but I'd like to see your reply.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 4, 2011
  8. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Seeker

    I know what you mean ninnie. I used to do that too but honestly right now I have a hard time caring about anything, it's all just bitter ashes in my mouth. The only thing right now that makes me feel anything is violent and depressing music. Perhaps that's the only thing I can seem to relate to. I don't wish harm upon anyone, not even my ex who hurt me so badly. I just can't feel anything other than the pain inside.
  9. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I am sorry to hear that you are feeling bad. Suicide is not the answer though however. Keep reaching out to us here. Keep talking. We do understand.
  10. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Endlessagony we all want you to not take your life now.. not going to write out the usual platitudes and such for you to endure again now.. you are not alone atm.. we all hear you and also care very much about what you do to yourself..

    will just say this to you.. i was where you are now for a very long time.. and much to my disbelief things did and changed for the better for me and my son johnny... my god if it happened for us who's to say it might not also happen for you\!!!

    you keep talking to us please.. at least then we know you are stilll going on.. tc, Jim
  11. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Seeker

    I'm sorry I just have a hard time understanding why anyone would care if I live or die. In my experience people are quick to act like they care but in reality they are just looking out for themselves. No one wants to experience another person taking their own life but does that mean they care about the person? When I pull out my shit from inside to people they turn away, it's too much and they don't want to deal with it. I understand it's hard but then they should also not try to place blame on me either for wanting to end it. I didn't choose to suffer but still I do, it's my right to end it too.

    I'm rambling now, I went to the store and bought me a case of beer. I intend on getting completely hammered tonight.
  12. clairedelune

    clairedelune Wanderer

    Not now. There's always hope. Hang on to that.
  13. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Seeker

    Still here, hungover... I actually talked to a guy about suicide yesterday and he was telling me about how he attempted it. Feel a bit better now, good to talk to someone in person who has been through some of the same shit.
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