I've decided

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Annab2, Dec 7, 2015.

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  1. Annab2

    Annab2 New Member

    I now know the date that I am going to die.
    I've decided not to lie to myself anymore,I can not continue living just becuase I have a child.
    I can no longer accept the lie I've believed over and over again that things get better,that they change,sure they so but they also go back to the same.
    I can't take that,the getting slammed back down.....getting broken again and again.
    It does not matter what broken me this time,but this time unlike others I'm done lying to myself that I will be ok,that I will survive this latest disaster.
    I no longer want to survive,in would gladly trade places with someone who is dying right now,someone who would,could do something with my life becuase I obviously can not.
    I don't know why I joined this group,I found it though a website dicussing ways to die........I guess I just wanted someone to hear my final words,someone to know that I existed.
    Funny I thought that in would scram at those I dislike who have done me wrong who have hurt me....but no I just don't have the strength to fight with them or spare a breath.
    I wish I could say I'm sorry for what I am going to do but I'm not sorry.
    I am sorry my daughter had a mother like me,she deserved so much more than me,I did not deserve her.
    Thank you for listening to my rambling.
  2. Husky

    Husky Well-Known Member

    Hi Annab2, I know you've explained you have a date in mind for death, well I hope today will be the day where you change your mind and want to live.

    You’re not lying to yourself about living anymore for your child, the fact is many parents live their lives for their children and I think you know deep down you do too. You seem like a kind, gentle and sensitive person and a good parent who is just going through a bad time.

    When some people break, the only thing that puts them back together is their love for their children and the love their children have for them. If you were to go, your child would still be here but devastated and despondent because the one person who is so loving and caring and made her so happy has gone.

    Anna, I know your daughter means so much to you and I hope you realize it’s not too late to get through this. Please take care and keep venting here if you like because I really do want to see you happy. I hope today is a better day for you. Take care, Husky
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