I now know the date that I am going to die. I've decided not to lie to myself anymore,I can not continue living just becuase I have a child. I can no longer accept the lie I've believed over and over again that things get better,that they change,sure they so but they also go back to the same. I can't take that,the getting slammed back down.....getting broken again and again. It does not matter what broken me this time,but this time unlike others I'm done lying to myself that I will be ok,that I will survive this latest disaster. I no longer want to survive,in would gladly trade places with someone who is dying right now,someone who would,could do something with my life becuase I obviously can not. I don't know why I joined this group,I found it though a website dicussing ways to die........I guess I just wanted someone to hear my final words,someone to know that I existed. Funny I thought that in would scram at those I dislike who have done me wrong who have hurt me....but no I just don't have the strength to fight with them or spare a breath. I wish I could say I'm sorry for what I am going to do but I'm not sorry. I am sorry my daughter had a mother like me,she deserved so much more than me,I did not deserve her. Thank you for listening to my rambling.