I've destroyed my mind.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AAA3330, Jul 18, 2015.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I didn't mean to, but I've wrecked the most precious thing that I had and that was my mind. I can't get over it. I had such a beautiful mind and a great life, but it's all been ruined. I used to think that this type of thing only happened to older people. I never would have expected anything like this could happen, but it has and there is nothing that anyone can do for me. I always ask myself "how could this happen", but it has and I know that I'm going to have to live with mental pain for the rest of my life. It hurts me so deeply that I had such a great life and I've ended up like this. It feels like I'm in prison. I just don't know of anyone else that this has happened to and can't understand why this happened to me. I just want it all to go away. I want to die. I can't stand the thought of having to suffer for the rest of my life. How could my brain be damaged when I didn't have any type of head injury and never took any drugs. I just got stressed out and all of a sudden like my mind was altered. I know that it wasn't my fault, but I always feel like I'm being punished.
     
  2. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    It has happened to others. I am sorry it happened to you. Do you have a friend to lean onto or family during this rough time?
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I always take the time to read your replies to other people, you reply often and you help people which shows you are a very caring and supportive person. Those are few so it's a great trait to have. I am sorry you are struggling too, if i had a magic wand i'd fix you but right now you have to think of ways to help yourself, what would you like to see happen in your life? what changes would you make?
     
  4. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I talk to my dad, but he doesn't really understand. If there were any way that I could change the way that I feel, I would. It's like my mind is locked in a really bad state to where I constantly feel confused. I used to be a very private person and did very well that way, but I see the world and reality in a totally different way and I have no control over it. Instead of living in my own world the way that I used to, I'm constantly focused on other people and how I think that I am the same as everyone else. It really drives me crazy. I went to Pizza Hut yesterday and it was very difficult because there were a lot of people and I felt very uncomfortable because of the way that I always feel confused. Something really wicked is going on with my brain and I really wish that I knew exactly what it is, but I don't think that I ever will. Believe me, if there were something that I could do to change this, I would, but something is different about my brain and I just have no control over it. I really do appreciate your responses though. I've thought about trying to see a neurologist, but I don't really see how they would be able to do anything to help me.
     
  5. Dagreat21

    Dagreat21 New Member

    I often feel lost or confused as well when out in public. It's not my zone and there are tons of distractions. Your situation sounds like a neurologist may be able to help you. If you had any concussions or head trauma that could be part of the problem. Mine were from high school football.
     
  6. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I didn't have any head trauma. I just got stressed out over a disability review and that's when everything changed. I was really fortunate to have a good mind all of my life, but now I have to deal with the fact that I'm mentally handicapped and it's just way more than I can deal with.
     
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Of course many outsiders not familiar with mental health wont understand but they are our lifeline or support system when stuff hit rock bottom. They will be our familiar faces in times. I am not the same person mentally 2 years ago I can tell you that. I am also a private person that keeps to myself and I even dont share with my family whats going on in me as it is so hard to even explain to them what it is like on my bad days. I am still working and that has kept me structured and on schedule focused on something else as it is so much easier to focus on problems at work that does not include myself. It is like tricking my mind to another zone. However when I am alone is the worst. I am in another world. Time is meaningless there. Time just flies by. There are even days when I can barely keep it together. I have fought so hard to look normal on the outside after series of hospitalizations. They wont do anything I totally get that. I am refusing to comply with my medications right now as I refuse to go to a doctor again. My mind keeps failing me again and again. I am lucky in some messed up way that I still have that wire left in there to keep apparences normal but once that wire is corroded or destroyed I no longer will be here in reality
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.