Well, I did it again. in the last year, i stopped cutting so much and they weren't deep, but here I am again with the self harming. the last was deep.. I needed to be punished, I upset my mother by sending her an email saying it was pushing me over the edge with her constant cruel words when she's around, I said I couldn't take it and she could either choose to let me be or respect me. it's been my whole life, why tell her now? I had to be punished, and I am the reason my case manager was fired, I was asked by someone for documentation for the gvmt records and such if the last time I had an appt with her was a day, and I said I didn't meet with her that day, and we didn't, she said she was going off early to watcha game, after I said I needed to see her, no biggy, it was me, and they asked if she kept appt's and I said she canceled the last 4, I didn't think she'd lose her job, she'd always done that stuff. but never the less, it was my fault. I've hurt Liam too, i've been struggling a lot lately, and I've been so confused, I didn't mean to hurt him. I've been distancing myself lately, and I don't know what to do, i'm so stupid and crazy, and I needed to be punished, i'm so awful. :cry: I've been so angry lately, for so much that happened during my childhood and even as an adult. I get so mad, and feel like screaming "you assholes, why did you hurt me, go to hell!!" I should have let it all go. I should stop this, but I get so mad, I would never hurt anyone, but I get so mad and edgy sometimes, and it's not fair of me. I am sorry to everyone I've snapped at.