I've Done It Again

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by mfrieler, Mar 23, 2008.

  1. mfrieler

    mfrieler Active Member

    ...about 2 years ago I met a guy that was 1 year older then me. He was awesome, and we had the greatest times together. That's when I was questioning my sexuality and I found myself liking him then more then a friend. Well obviously he was straight so that crashed and burned, and I got suicidal and hated myself. He never knew, and I'm glad he did it...

    ...now I have the same situation, but 10 times worse...

    I met this guy, from Finland actually, and we became probably the best friends people could ever become...well, I told him I was unsure about my orientation, and he told me he didn't care. Well he kept giving me wierd signs so I thought maybe just finally I would get my chance at being with someone...

    but no. he's straight.

    I'm doing the WORST thing someone with a low self-esteem/unsure sexual orientation should be doing, FALLING for straight people. Sounds so common, but this might break me...

    I've been triggering a lot because of it, and it's so sickening.

    It hurts...a lot. Worst pain I've ever felt. I'd rather break half the bones in my body then have to endure this.
  2. x.R.x

    x.R.x Well-Known Member

    :hug: :hug: :hug:
  3. whybeherenow

    whybeherenow Active Member

    Ouch. Falling for someone who is completely unavailable to you is painful. I thinks its a good thing though that these are people you like and have a bond with. Much better than just having random sex. Trust me, many gay men are only looking for an orifice to use, as are many 'straight' men.

    Easy for me to say, hard for you to do, but try to relax and enjoy their friendship. If you are unsure about your sexual orientation, then your feelings for these men are perhaps making it clearer to you, and not being with them sexually may be a good thing. If you are emotionally fragile, getting into a relationship with a man, who is not a good person, and let's face it, many aren't, could be , well, not good for you, to say the least.

    Have twice fallen madly crazily insanely in love with men I worked with. One was definitely bi, was def intereted in me, but lived with his girlfriend. No way would I put myself in that situation. More than a decade later, I still think of him pretty much everyday.

    Last year I was attracted to a guy at work, but didn't give it much thought, until one day it hit me - I was in love with him. He had a girlfriend, but liked the fact that he had so much impact on me, I think. If I had had the choice, once again I would not put myself in that situation. I had to leave that job. Much fun was had at my expense by him, and the other guys that worked there. They enjoyed stirring me about it. It was humilitating to me because I had such overwhelming tender feelings towards him, oh yeah and I lusted after him like crazy also. Truly love is blind, and deaf, dumb and retarded.

    Anyway, stick with the friendships. Try not to make them into what you want them to be, and set yourself up for the disappointment. Consider yourself lucky that you are making friends with decent people. Be careful about what situations you put yourself. Many 'straight' men may try to have sex with you.

    There is a song called 'Love is stronger than pride'. Maybe. But I think self-respect is more important.
  4. irrelevant

    irrelevant Member

    If it's too difficult to be around the guy and you keep feeling something more than friendship when you are around him then I would say cut off contact. You have to do whatever you can to not encourage your feelings and cutting contact now may save a lot of pain later.

    It truly truly truly sucks, but don't get into my position where your heart genuinely believes the other person feels the same way.. even though they are STRAIGHT! (ha I still have to keep telling myself this) Hope it's not too heart-wrenching. (very likely I know) :hug:
  5. Christianv2

    Christianv2 Well-Known Member

    Thats gotta be rough falling for people unavailable to you. I know from experience as Im falling for a girl who probaly has no interest in me.
  6. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend

    I too have done exactly the same thing, only I told him I was gay right from the start, he said he didn't care, so what did I go and do, fall head over heals in love with him.

    I hursts so much its tearing me apart

    So I tried pushing him away, gentley at first, then a little more firmly, I was told it was the right thing to do, for my sake as well as his, but my god, now we dont talk anymore, he doesnt reply to my texts and is doing the happy couple thing with a girl that used to be a friend of mine that I could talk to, that really really hurts, I trusted him soooo much and in the blink of an eye he has dropped me out of his life

    But I'm better than, I derserve better than that, if he cant see it, then thats his problem, not mine, I love him to bits, but he has hurt me badly, Im not sure I will ever be able to forgive him for that, he took advantage of a vulnerable person, namely me, then prompty dumped me, at the first sign of a women he could see on regular basis came along

    I trusted him completely, I was wrong.
  7. Broken Wings

    Broken Wings Well-Known Member

    Try falling for a straight teacher. Then impossible seems to get realll far away.

    I've been to the depths of that road, and it's nasty, I feel for you. Straight people are just so damn attractive, who knows why?

    But, like everything else in this world, nothing is perminant, so hopefully you'll get over him soon, and you'll feel better.

    My regards to a tough situation.