well, i've managed to miss at least 4 doses of my medicine, and now i find myself thinking about it again. i've managed to keep my thoughts under control for the most part. i just really want to cut or kill myself. i'm trying to just hold on until my medicine kicks back in. the pdoc i go to works at one of those low-income clinics so you can't see him unless you have an appointment. if you're having a problem with your meds they tell you to go to the psych hospital. i really want to find a real pdoc again but i just can't afford it so i'm just stuck right now. oh well. i keep trying to hold on. this is a big improvement from where i used to be. normally i would have cut and burned myself and possibly even tried to kill myself again. i guess this medecine is really working. i just need to hold on a little longer.:unsure: it just seems like everytime i start to get leveled back out i miss a dose here and there and i'm right back where i started at. i'm just so tired of fighting it because i've been fighting it for 20 years now.