I've done it.

[Sunspots]

I've told my husband that we should separate.

It's been over 10 years since he gave me a hug. Four years ago it brought me to my knees and it's taken all this time to get back on my feet.

But nothing has changed apart from now he can blame our problems on my suicide attempts rather than anything that happened before. I finally got him into couples counseling but 7 months later we're still going around in circles. He still will not hug me or give me a reason why. I still adore him but it's killing me to see him every day knowing he doesn't care enough to even sit next to me on the sofa. His indifference towards me is devastating and I know if nothing changes I will end back right where I was and I can't allow that to happen.

So I told him it was over. He didn't make any objections. The last little sliver of hope I still had finally disappeared. I know it was my decision and I know I can't hold on any longer. So why does it hurt so much? I've never known pain like it. I know I no longer have a choice but how do you walk away from someone you love so much?

 

[may71]

Hugs Lu.

I wish things weren't so hard. You deserve something better than this.

 

[Holding my breath]

Im sorry @Sunspots but you are so strong to have made this step. It’s not an easy decision to make but I hope in time you will find that it gives you the freedom to move forward and find a better life. Take care. Xx

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

I, for one, would rather see you heartbroken than dead. I am proud of your bravery. I am sure it hurts. But I believe that your strength will help you build a new life that has happiness in it. You deserve good things! 💕💓

 

[KM76710]

Most sad to hear about the situation and your hurt, all the best for you.

 

[Sunspots]

I don't feel strong or brave today. I feel unlovable, ugly and pathetic. I wish I'd succeeded four years ago. I didn't think anything could feel worse than it did back then.

 

[Walker]

Hey, listen, you are so much more than an extension of Nick. You are you and you're brave and strong and lovable. What hurts this much today will dull in weeks and months, Lucy.

 

[Brân]

You can do this! This is the worst part, what's to come will be worth it. You chose you - you know how ballsy that is?

You got this, and we're here for you.

 

[Holding my breath]

Thinking of you today @Sunspots Keep strong, you can do this. Xx

 

[Champagne]

Lucy - I am so sorry it has ended this way and your last sliver of hope has evaporated. We will be here for you to help you through this and you know you can count on your friends here. You can PM me if you need someone to talk to, anytime My heart goes out to you and your family.

Very sad, indeed. Keeping you in my thoughts honey. 💦

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

Oh @Sunspots 💓

it won’t always feel this way.
i really believe you are brave & strong. Don’t listen to the lies in your mind. we are here, to listen & support you during the hard times. I am glad you are still here.

 

[Atreides]

I'm sorry things didn't work out. It took a lot of courage to stand up and say it's over. You deserve to be loved. And always remember we're here for you.

 

[Gonz]

I want to give you the biggest hug. I know you’re really hurting worse than ever right now, but it can only get better from here.

You’re smart, funny, interesting and just an all-around wonderful person. But when you talk about him it’s like you’re already half dead inside.

You deserve actual happiness, not just to avoid pain like you’ve been doing for a very long time now, and I think that now you have a real chance at finding that.

 

[Sunspots]

I wish you could @Gonz. I really need a hug.

I've never lived alone before. I went straight from home to Nick. The nearest I've ever got to it is when Nick worked away during the week. I know it sounds silly but I had to sleep with the light on as I was scared. I've never even paid a bill, he was always in control of the money. How do I tune the TV or set up a computer? Who's going to get the spiders out of the house or open a new jar when the lid won't budge?

I've only told my mum so far and she was as supportive as I expected. She was only concerned about how it affected her. If I can't afford to stay in this area (I probably won't be) who is going to look after her? She didn't even give me a hug while I was sitting there crying.

I don't know how to tell the kids. They know things haven't been good for a long time. But even though they're adults now and have both left home they're going to be so sad and worried about it. We haven't figured out the details yet and it feels like trying to climb Mt Everest.

 

[Acy]

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I have been in a similar spot, so from experience, I will say that you can survive this. It will be different. Remember that different can mean better.

For support, you have a whole group of us here who want only the best for you! And if I could hug you in person, I would!

 

[Auri]

Agreed with all that's been said... and you know that I'm so incredibly proud of you. I wish this were easier on you, but we're all with you in this. You deserve the best. We love you.

 

[Angie]

Proud of you and we are here for you.

 

[may71]

Lu, you're really so wonderful, you just don't realize it

Sending giant hugs

 

[Gonz]

Of course it’s scary, but I know that you can handle it. And think how wonderful it’ll be to, you know, not feel like shit about yourself all the time. Just take it a bit at a time and try to believe in yourself like we believe in you.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Even if you saw it coming, it is still incredibly hard, because you were with him for so long, and I'm sure you still love him. I can't imagine what it's like, but you won't be alone through this, because we're all here for you.