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I've done it!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by jonstark, Mar 15, 2008.

  1. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    heh nvm.

    One gets drunk and posts all sorts of lame shit and then edits it out.

    Done it, done nothing.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2008
  2. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    i didnt see your post before, but if you want to chat, please PM me.
  3. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member


    The way I feel now, I'd definitely be going through the steps if circumstances permitted. I can feel it in me. Dear world, you are mine for the taking, but no thanks. I quit. But circumstances do not permit me, and so I must endure. Boring. I'll endure, then, I'm as tough as they come. I figure I have to wait about a year. I've lost hope but I acknowledge the possibility things might change for the better. I don't care.
    Hold on, except there's nothing to hold on to but myself, and I'm not stable enough.
  4. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    Hm I'm beginning to seriously suspect I'll off myself the summer of 2009. Cuz now whenever I get the urge there are some reasons I deem solid enough and those reasons deter me. But in a year, those reasons will be gone, and unless something shows up, one day I'll just get up and I'll be depressed out of my mind and I'll give myself 2-3 days to get over it and then I'll end up dipping in Lethe cuz I I've done a bit of research and so I know what to do.
    I almost feel it's out of my hands.
    Don't feel any fear or any regret. Just a mild anticipation, I suppose. What a knucklehead I am. Nutcase! Well, if you're so sane, good for you, buddy.

    But all that's a year away and I can't do it now and I've my health and that's what matters (hehe). Meanwhile, em. There's bed and alcohol and aimless wandering around. And boredom and self-hatred and stuff.
    And stuff.
  5. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    I hear you.

    I hope something shows up. Good luck with things.
  6. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: Jonface, find me if you wanna talk, and stuff.
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    So many things can change in the course of a year. I am glad you recognize this and are willing to give them a chance. As always, i am just a PM away if you want to talk. :hug:
  8. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    Thanks :) .

    I'm sort of pretty damn depressed but your replies help me a lot - or so it seems - to me.
    Thank you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 12, 2008
  9. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    you're good peoples, jon. you're good. :hug:
  10. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    Jon :hug:

    Here to listen. It's never too late.
  11. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    Just heard some nice family history. Apparently my great-granma on the mother's side was a suicide... Granma's brother was a depressive who banged his head on the wall and said 'I'll die next May'... Died in a car crash. Granma's husband was a 'talented man' who suffered spiritually and couldn't hold a job and drank himself to death. Died at 52.
    Hell knows what's on pop's side.

    Not surprised : /. But there we go. Can't run away from my blood.
    Ah well so I won't run away. I'll take this and if I die, fine. If not, ok. What difference does it make.
  12. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Daunting info.

    Doesn't really change anything, though. It's all right. Maybe gives some explanation, but as I'm sure you know, shit still is how it was. I'm saying don't let it eat at you, I guess. :mellow:

    Good luck with everything. You're cared about and you know you can PM me anytime :arms: Hope you don't die anytime soon :unsure: