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I've failed

#1
I'm single since this morning.
Because of my lies; I can't really say what I did but it us something serious and punished by the law.
I've tried to commit suicide this morning and this afternoon but I've failed.
I'm a shame for my family and friends, I understand them because I'm not a good person anymore.
I just want to die...
I'm afraid of what the future will be because of my lies.
Why can't I die like everybody?
Why can't I choose hiw to die and when?
I'm sorry, i'm really sorry.
 

Legate Lanius

Well-Known Member
#2
You're most likely going to die like everyone else. There is the off-chance (this might be me coping hard, I really don't want this to happen) that anti-aging tech combined with AI can make humans practically immortal within one or two lifetimes.

Can you list everything that made you attempt suicide? So all I know is: the breakup, guilt over some crime and lying, becoming a social pariah, negative self-talk and worrying about the future.
 

case.no.87

☮️🌌💟🌫🌌
SF Supporter
#3
Just remember heartache is real, and it’s really temporary. No one needs to trust emotions every moment. Be good to yourself... well-being can be yours.
 
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#4
Those are the main reasons of my attempts.
I've lost "the man of my life" because of me (and really because of me, it's the man than most of the girls would love to have) and I can't go back in time and repair all the bad things I've done to him and all the lies I told him.
There's nothing I can do except take my responsabilities and assume all this situation.
But the truth is I'm not able to assume all of that mentally speaking, because all the bad things I've made is because of my mental illness.
And at the same time, I don't really see someone (like a psy) to help me.
I live in France and it's difficult to talk about mental illness.
This is a taboo.
I'm lost and I'm afraid.
I don't know if I will be able to go through this story, actually I just want to die. Because for me, it is the "better solution"; if I die, the people I love would not suffer because of me.
Currently, this is the best that can happen.
 
#5
if I die, the people I love would not suffer because of me
People who love you would certainly suffer if you died. I don't think killing yourself would help them.

Do you think it's possible that maybe someday you and your ex could get back together? Things like that happen all the time.

Hugs Angiemel
 
#6
Thank you May71 for your reply.
Unfortunately, no. The percentage of him and I could get back together is 0%.
The things I did are so awful that no, we will never get back together.
I love him with all my heart and I do not see a future without him.
He was my future.
I just want to die, I just want to disappear; if there was a magic trick that erase your existence from your birth until your death, I will take it.
I wish he never met me.
If he didn't met me, he will be happy now and he will have a family.
I hurt him, and I can't stand myself.
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#7
Angieme, I'm so sorry for all the pain and distress you're experiencing right now. Right now I can imagine how those feelings can be incredibly raw and intense, which can quite often become incredibly overwhelming.
But maybe if you could take one or two steps back, give yourself some time and breathing space. The intensities of these feelings can reduce and so make things hopefully that little be more manageable. People around you are hurting and maybe they need some time to process whatever it is that has happened and then try to come to terms with it.

Try to be gentle with yourself if you can.
 
#8

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#9
I'm single since this morning.
Because of my lies; I can't really say what I did but it us something serious and punished by the law.
I've tried to commit suicide this morning and this afternoon but I've failed.
I'm a shame for my family and friends, I understand them because I'm not a good person anymore.
I just want to die...
I'm afraid of what the future will be because of my lies.
Why can't I die like everybody?
Why can't I choose hiw to die and when?
I'm sorry, i'm really sorry.
Am I reading it right that what did is something that's punishable by law? It's not to pressure you into saying what that , just to clarify.
 
#12
Yes, I lost both of my parents within a year.
And I was "miraculously" pregnant and lost the babies at 2 months and a half...
But this us not an excuse and today I went with him to the police station in France in order to try to fix what I've done regarding the "punishable by the law" thing.
I'm taking full responsibility of my actions.
I love him more than my own life and I did not mean to hurt him intentionally.
I'm mentally sick and it's a shame.
It has destroyed his life and mine.
I'm ashamed.
I love him so so bad and I want to die because I can't live without him.
But I want to fix what I've done to him before.
After I just want to die alone and quickly.
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#13
With what you've gone through regarding your bereavements, for which I am deeply sorry for, that can be viewed as mitigating circumstances when assessing whatever offence it is that you have committed. Not just by the law courts, but also by those close to you.
Accepting full responsibilities for your actions is admirable enough, but making taking into account of the circumstances revolving around you should be considered, particularly as it has affected your mental health and so possibly your degree of judgement.

Hope you'll manage to safely resolve things.
 
#16
It was awful and horrible for both of us.
And it’s not resolved yet.
Each day is harder than the previous one.
It’s like a nightmare which keep getting worse everyday...
I just wanna die. I have nothing on this earth now.
Everything is lost.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#18
Hey there, I hope that things are working out with what is going on there. Not sure exactly what has happened but I hope you're okay.
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#19
Hey @AngiemelMC : )
Just wanted to express my sympathies towards you, and your situation. I suppose what I have to offer isn't much, but some years ago I was in a somewhat similar, or analogous situation, wherein things were done to me by someone who - though not technically a girlfriend - it sure felt like it (& I'm not even convinced or certain that she didn't view it as such... even if, more "unofficially!" so). . . But she definitely did some things to me that were I to have had them reported, or investigated, most assuredly would have been classified as, "something serious and punishable by law." I did not mind, though or however: given that I understood it was primarily as a result of two things; her mental illness/condition, & her past history . . . extending way back to childhood, and up to or until the point at which we met, or became so close~
In any event what I wanted to say is that it is possible for him to forgive you over time. The anger / hurt / whatever else you want to throw in there... can & most likely will be 'blunted,' somewhat - over time. Depending on the kind of person he is, it may even improve to the point where he would again consider being something of friends again (if not lovers).
I see you mentioned being in a part of the world where getting help is frowned upon or not encouraged. Apparently, in my birth country (i am adopted, and thus grew up in America); it is much the same way: that is to say... not accepted in the public eye_ BUT! What I am wondering about for you, is if you have an opportunity or an ability to still do so: get some professional help. You say it's mostly due to the psychiatric issues, or concerns and what better way to address this than with the help of a psychiatrist? You don't have to tell or let anyone know (about it). . . And, at least that way, if you can get some stability, and even things out a little bit emotionally - or emotion's_wise; then may be that might lead to you being able to see things a little bit more clearly. Just in terms of the big picture. And not to make such rash, near-sighted impulsive decisions with regards harming your self, or bringing and end to your life. Because though you may believe otherwise -- you leaving the "Land of The Living," solves no-thing! :^) peace~ & try not to think in terms of "extremes," right now. . . You'll be all right! :) (or is it, "alright?") i can never tell, my mother was only an english teacher - once upon a time... ;)
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#20
. . . And if you want my frank opinion (& that's all this is) -- you choosing / or- deciding to, "exit stage left~!" is about the only thing you can do to make him feel worse (than he already does).
 

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