Hey
@AngiemelMC : )
Just wanted to express my sympathies towards you, and your situation. I suppose what I have to offer isn't much, but some years ago I was in a somewhat similar, or analogous situation, wherein things were done to me by someone who - though not technically a girlfriend - it sure felt like it (& I'm not even convinced or certain that she didn't view it as such... even if, more "unofficially!" so). . . But she definitely did some things to me that were I to have had them reported, or investigated, most assuredly would have been classified as, "something serious and punishable by law." I did not mind, though or however: given that I understood it was primarily as a result of two things; her mental illness/condition, & her past history . . . extending way back to childhood, and up to or until the point at which we met, or became so close~
In any event what I wanted to say is that it is possible for him to forgive you over time. The anger / hurt / whatever else you want to throw in there... can & most likely will be 'blunted,' somewhat - over time. Depending on the kind of person he is, it may even improve to the point where he would again consider being something of friends again (if not lovers).
I see you mentioned being in a part of the world where getting help is frowned upon or not encouraged. Apparently, in my birth country (i am adopted, and thus grew up in America); it is much the same way: that is to say... not accepted in the public eye_ BUT! What I am wondering about for you, is if you have an opportunity or an ability to still do so: get some professional help. You say it's mostly due to the psychiatric issues, or concerns and what better way to address this than with the help of a psychiatrist? You don't have to tell or let anyone know (about it). . . And, at least that way, if you can get some stability, and even things out a little bit emotionally - or emotion's_wise; then may be that might lead to you being able to see things a little bit more clearly. Just in terms of the big picture. And not to make such rash, near-sighted impulsive decisions with regards harming your self, or bringing and end to your life. Because though you may believe otherwise -- you leaving the "Land of The Living," solves no-thing! :^) peace~ & try not to think in terms of "extremes," right now. . . You'll be all right!
(or is it, "alright?") i can never tell, my mother was only an english teacher - once upon a time...