I really cannot handle it anymore. I remember thinking about suicide when I was seven. I tried to kill myself a few months ago. It was my first attempt, and it failed. When I woke up and realized that I was still alive, I felt worse than ever. I'm young. I know this. I'm seventeen. But I don't think how I feel would change unless I change everything about myself. I feel so numb all of the time. I've been in three separate mental institutions for stays up to a month. None of them made any difference. I've been in therapy off and on for five years. I've been on and off medication. Nothing changed. I'm just tired of it all. I don't think that my problems are unique or that I'm unfixable, but I don't want to feel better anymore. I just want to die. I just can't think of any way that is accessible to me. I have spent so much time thinking about this. I've never wavered in my decision to die. I really think it's time that I followed through.