I've finally decided on a date

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Blackbird33, Apr 4, 2012.

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  1. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    to end my life. Right now I'm taking these last few months to spend as much time with my family, prepare a will, give away the few things I have, im setting aside money for my funeral, and finally make peace with my God.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun now is the time to get help for you so you can spend a life time with your family in peace with yourself Go to hosptial now and start getting help you need and deserve ok h ugs
     
  3. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    I don't have one positive thing going on in my life it's a trail of failures, rejections, and disappointments.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry hun that life is throwing you so much sadness but there is hope hun that things will change you will find a different route that will bring you happiness With help therapy you can succeed hun you just need to reach out for some help please hun call your doctor go to hospital your family they are a postive thing in your life right that is one for you hugs
     
  5. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    I'm done with the therapy I tried it didn't work, tried meds, same results all the while living is just spiraling downward. Right I just want to rage put my head through a wall just so I can feel some other kind of pain other than emotional.
     
  6. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni


    That is not correct. You already said "FAMILY."
    Don't do this to them. If you think you feel bad and down... you don't have a clue how much worse you will be leaving them. Believe me, I have no reason to lie... I am the survivor of a child who left by suicide. You do not wish what I feel every moment of every day and night upon your friends and family.
     
  7. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    I love my family they are the only people in my life who have been there for me but I can't go on any longer. I've already let them down in so many ways and have been a disappointment. I'll take my chance to said good bye to them but I just fucking can't take this pain anymore.
     
  8. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    What have you been diagnosed with? Maybe you haven't tried the right kind of therapy. There are many different kinds of doctors out there who specialize in different disorders and problems.
     
  9. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    Ive been to five different doctors missed numerous days of work. Btw my anxiety, depression, I'm barely functioning. I don't want to hurt my family but I can't live anymore.
     
  10. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    The sad thing is that I dont have one close friend in my life that I can even reach out to.
     
  11. Paul.

    Paul. Member

    I hear you. I've been on all kinds of meds and had the therapy and the whole package. But for me it's not working. In fact, I'm getting worse. One of the docs levelled with me the other day and said sometimes, albeit rarely, they come across people who are ill in such a way that the meds and therapy they offer doesn't work for them and they just slip through the net. The doctors I've been seeing are pretty good and genuinely care and want me and everyone else they see to get better. But the formula they have laid out for people like us isn't foolproof; they can only do their best and sometimes that is not enough. It's gotten to the point now that I ask them how I'm going to get better, how much longer will it take and they just look at me with a little sympathetic smile and spread their arms because they don't know and it makes them very uncomfortable that I have not responded the way they would have liked throughout the course of the treatment.

    They call me a fucking 'Conundrum'.
     
  12. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Is it just generalized anxiety? When do you get anxious? I take a benzodiazepine for my anxiety and they help sometimes because they work within the first 15-30 minutes of taking the dose. Have you tried them before? And have you told doctors about your suicidal feelings?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 4, 2012
  13. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    I get anxious the minute I wake up and my mind kicks into gear. From there it just progress from bad to worse. The anti-depressants just made my already existent stomach problems worse. As far as doctors everyone just throws meds at me and talking to someone I never got comfortable with them to even say I was suicidal or just how bad things are for me emotionally.
     
  14. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Well you can't get the proper help from therapy, unless you tell them the truth about how you feel. If you don't want to give any direct details, such as setting a specific date in order to avoid having them put you in a psych ward, just say you've been feeling suicidal but that you don't have any particular plan or that you don't know when you're going to do it. If you say that, they won't make you do anything against your will because they won't consider you a danger to yourself. But it'sbetter to say that, than nothing at all. If you say nothing, then they'll think you're not suicidal and can't give you the proper help. Anti-depressants are just bullshit, from my personal experiences, that's why I recommend you ask for a benzodiazepine such as Klonopin, Ativan, Valium, Xanax, etc. They really do wonders for anxiety. I just took my daily dose today and I feel a bit better after feeling suicidal not too long ago before. So it's worth a try.
     
  15. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    I took your advice and scheduled an appointment with a psych doc because this fucking anxiety has me ready to end my life today
     
  16. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Good for you hun i hope the meeting goes well and you ask for meds for anxiety okay hugs
     
  17. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Just a little advice... Because some doctors don't like to give out benzodiazepines (they're controlled medications, meaning they can be addictive to some people). When you go to your appointment, say things like this:

    1. I am anxious 24 hours of the day.
    2. I am having sleeping problems because of my anxiety.
    3. I am not able to function or succeed in school/work/other daily priorities due to my anxiety.
    4. I am not able to have a normal social life or communicate with people due to anxiety.
    5. I have panic attacks during the day when _____ and ______ happens.

    Pick any or all of those things to say to your doctor and they will be more likely to give you a benzo as opposed to you just saying "I have anxiety". If you just say you have anxiety, they'll shove some shitty antidepressant in your face again. Tell them that you absolutely NEED this medication and cannot function without it.

    Also, don't bring up a specific benzo that you want him to give to you and just ask for it out of the blue, that doesn't look good to doctors. Say you have a friend or a family member who has klonopin for instance, and during one of your panic attacks, they gave you 1 or 2 mg to calm down and thats how you know this particular medication will help you. Then the doctor will ask you what you felt during this panic attack, so you say: you were hyperventalating, your heart was racing, you were panicking and feeling like you were going to die, having hot and cold flashes, shaking, sweating, etc (those are the symptoms of panic attacks). Then they'll ask you what triggered the panic attack so you also have to make up a situation that caused the panic attack.

    So basically just make sure you have your story straight before you go in and make sure you know what you're going to say. I've done all of this myself and I've learned that if I just say I have unbearable anxiety, nobody believes me and they don't give me the medication I need, just some shitty antidepressants that don't work. So I learned that I had to exaggerate a bit and say the anxiety was interfering with every moment of my functioning and that I was having panic attacks. Soon as I told them that, they gave me klonopin finally. they started me out on only .5 mg but then you come back on your next appointment and say its too low of a dose and doesnt work and they'll up it to 1mg, which works decently for me. 2 mg is the highest but my doctor hasnt wanted me to go up that high, but if you have a nice doctor it's worth asking if they'll up it to 2mg of the 1mg still isn't enough for you.

    I'm giving klonopin as an example because from my experiences, Ativan and Valium are too weak, and Xanax is too strong and most doctors don't give it out to patients unless they have some sort of phobia of planes and have to go travel on a plane soon. They give it out for very short term situations. So I think klonopin would be your best choice but it's up to you.

    Good luck and hope I helped.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 5, 2012
  18. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    I'm someone that's always hated taking meds and I've tried and tried to avoid them. But now I feel as though im literally going to kill myself if I don't do something to stifle all the dark thoughts in my head.
     
  19. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Trust me, these types of medicines do help and work almost instantly. So go to your doctor and follow my advice above and let me know how it went. When is your appt?
     
  20. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    Monday night is my appointment
     
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