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I've fought it for so long

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Russ2345, Apr 24, 2016.

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  1. Russ2345

    Russ2345 New Member

    And now I don't know if I can anymore. I know it'll affect the few people out there that love me, but they have so much more in their lives than just me, and pretty much all of my life is sadness and depression, desperate hopes for it to be over and anger that I'm stuck in this loop. I'm now sure that what I'm putting myself through, by staying alive for their sakes, is worse for me than taking my life would be for theirs. It's more selfish of them to ask me to keep living this way than it is for me to put them through reacting to my own suicide.

    I've looked for help, I've tried to power through, I've turned to drugs and alcohol...there's been nothing out there to make it better. a whole life of wasted years, all so a few other people don;t have to be saddened for a much shorter amount of time. I didn't ask to be alive. MY life has been a curse, not a precious gift worth continuing. If there is one last thing i try... anything...I'm desperate and want to know it.

    Counseling didn't work. Insurance only pays for a few visits, and they have to be spread out every 4-6 weeks because the psychiatrists are so overbooked. it would cost more money to have more, so these "caring" organizations leave me to flounder for myself. has anything worked for anyone here?? Long term? I'm sick of fighting just to get through single days at atime.
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Hey Russ, I know the pain you're feeling.......depression saps the life from you. But it can get better, I've had it on and off for years. Have you tried medication, that's helped me in the past, sometimes if you're on a med for too long it stops working. It can also take some time to get the right med that works for you.
    What's helped me : meditation, it really does help and yes I know when you feel like crap it's hard to do it. Life's a struggle. Helping others, I try and do that, on the forum here also, I love animals so help out with the local rescue shelter and try and get homes for abandoned dogs and cats. I find when I help others two legged or four it gets me out of myself and changes my focus for awhile. Maybe someone will come up with more. The thing is, it does change, everything does I live for the good days. I wish I could give you more suggestions. Is there anything you like doing, hobbies etc.
    I'm sorry you're feeling like this, but I do understand. Stick around this website, there's some good and caring people on here.
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry to hear of your struggles.

    First of all, please don't give up the fight. I know things are tough, but please do try to fight.

    Maybe you need to find something within yourself to live for, rather than to only live for others? Do you have any plans or dreams for your future? What would you like to do?

    Sometimes a depression is a chemical imbalance thing, and needs medication, maybe that's something you should look into?
    Also there are various therapy forms, such as CBT or DBT, all of those are worth looking into to solve your issues.

    Keep up the fight!
  4. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Psychiatrist do not do counseling they prescribe drugs and make diagnosis. Getting into actual counseling to deal with drugs and alcohol that 100% of the time make all of the symptoms of depression much much worse and possibly into counseling to learn some effective coping strategies would be far more effective than repeated trips to a psychiatrist. It is not an argument about who deserves to suffer from pain, you or them, it is a simple thing that noone should have to live with life that is nothing but pain- and then taking the steps to make your life less painful and treat the symptoms that are making your life painful.
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