And now I don't know if I can anymore. I know it'll affect the few people out there that love me, but they have so much more in their lives than just me, and pretty much all of my life is sadness and depression, desperate hopes for it to be over and anger that I'm stuck in this loop. I'm now sure that what I'm putting myself through, by staying alive for their sakes, is worse for me than taking my life would be for theirs. It's more selfish of them to ask me to keep living this way than it is for me to put them through reacting to my own suicide. I've looked for help, I've tried to power through, I've turned to drugs and alcohol...there's been nothing out there to make it better. a whole life of wasted years, all so a few other people don;t have to be saddened for a much shorter amount of time. I didn't ask to be alive. MY life has been a curse, not a precious gift worth continuing. If there is one last thing i try... anything...I'm desperate and want to know it. Counseling didn't work. Insurance only pays for a few visits, and they have to be spread out every 4-6 weeks because the psychiatrists are so overbooked. it would cost more money to have more, so these "caring" organizations leave me to flounder for myself. has anything worked for anyone here?? Long term? I'm sick of fighting just to get through single days at atime.