I'm not sure if this is supposed to go here, but... I stopped taking my medication on purpose, and I've been thinking about suicide for the past week or so... My idiot self decided to self-injure last night. Then, I had the sudden urge to get in contact with some people I hold dear; people from a long time ago, and people that I think that should be treated better than they are now. I wanted to see them. I wanted to hold them, hug them, and tell them they were okay, (but I can't - have the 'germaphobe' OCD & don't really like touching people) and that I would protect them, no matter what. I want to be there for them all of the time - everyone I love, and I want to make sure that they take the right paths, and I want to be the one to lead them to a happy, healthy, full life. I almost wanted to cry...this feeling is from my core, my inner being; I feel so strongly for these certain people, and I don't know why. I can't help but think that I need to be there for everyone - here, and I don't need to take care of myself because honestly, I don't feel like I need to. I'm 18, I have no motivation, drive, or...well, anything. I don't really even have real friends...I want to help everyone else, first. I honestly think that is what is keeping me from doing anything terrible, no matter how terribly I want to go. And I hate it.