I've found my true nature. (May be triggering.)

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by KK99, Nov 25, 2012.

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  1. KK99

    KK99 Active Member

    I'm not sure if this is supposed to go here, but...

    I stopped taking my medication on purpose, and I've been thinking about suicide for the past week or so...

    My idiot self decided to self-injure last night. Then, I had the sudden urge to get in contact with some people I hold dear; people from a long time ago, and people that I think that should be treated better than they are now.

    I wanted to see them. I wanted to hold them, hug them, and tell them they were okay, (but I can't - have the 'germaphobe' OCD & don't really like touching people) and that I would protect them, no matter what. I want to be there for them all of the time - everyone I love, and I want to make sure that they take the right paths, and I want to be the one to lead them to a happy, healthy, full life.

    I almost wanted to cry...this feeling is from my core, my inner being; I feel so strongly for these certain people, and I don't know why. I can't help but think that I need to be there for everyone - here, and I don't need to take care of myself because honestly, I don't feel like I need to. I'm 18, I have no motivation, drive, or...well, anything. I don't really even have real friends...I want to help everyone else, first.

    I honestly think that is what is keeping me from doing anything terrible, no matter how terribly I want to go.

    And I hate it.
  2. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Firstly, do you mind if I ask what the medication was that you were prescribed? I only ask, depending on what you suffer from the medication that you are prescribed helps to control such thoughts pertaining to suicide and to suddenly stop taking them, once their effects are out of your system, their effects wear off and can make even the most strongest people come down in with drawls after taking it for so long and that has a negative effect on your mind, which bring out the hopelessness and despair that you used to feel before taking any such medication, and even if you do not feel that you need to take them, the result of suddenly stopping your medication can make your illness (for lack of a better word) come back 5-fold to the point where you cannot see anything in life to be happy about, let about alone your own your ability to see the World for what it really is - and while I am not saying that the World is perfect in any way, to take yourself off your medication only ends with you feeling much worse, because you no longer have any form of treatment available to you that makes your life that much bearable and, dare I say, somewhat enjoyable.

    However if the medication you were on did not seem to help you all that much, then you should talk with your local G.P about it and see if there is anything they can do, such as increasing the amount of medication or even changing the medication that you were on that would work more in your favour than sitting down without taking any medication for your illness or suicidal thoughts.

    There is nothing wrong with crying, not even for blokes and despite the stereotype that blokes should not cry when anyone else is around is nothing but nonsense. A person who cries, no matter who they are, shows the true character of a person that, while upset about their has turned out, it is also a way to show that yourself and others (if around anyone else) that you truly have something that care for more than in life.
  3. KK99

    KK99 Active Member

    Right now, I'm taking 50mg of Zoloft. It works well, but I just don't see the point of taking it...

    It seems like everything's taking too long.
  4. Wispiwill

    Wispiwill Well-Known Member

    Have you considered that you are one of 'everyone' - so maybe you should look after yourself as well?
  5. KK99

    KK99 Active Member

    Yes, but I don't feel the need to anymore...
  6. Wispiwill

    Wispiwill Well-Known Member

    Same reason why you should help others - because they need it.
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