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I've given up on life

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Warrior2089, Jun 4, 2009.

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  1. Warrior2089

    Warrior2089 Active Member

    I woke up today thinking it was going to be a good day, going to do my last exam then go home for summer break. Now I'm sitting at home feeling suicidal, hoping my history teacher doesn't give me a 0 on my final exam for cheating on the VERY LAST QUESTION of the exam (did you know the proletariat was the soviet working class?). And that's only PART of the problem. Ok, so for pretty much two years I've had this misconception that everyone around me thinks I'm mentally challenged. It's gone so far that I've somewhat begun falsely thinking that I AM mentally challenged. Let me list out some of the things that make me feel terrible:

    - my mom calls me every day after I get home from school to ask me how it went. She talks to me in a little babyish voice, calls me "baby" and hasn't stopped even though I've asked her.
    - whenever there's a problem with my food at lunch, the ladies working in the cafeteria would act like they would treating a baby who lost his toy, and they would ask me how it's going for the next 3 or 5 days.
    - I played Xbox Live a lot so I constantly heard the word "retard" used against me and others and I was always insulted for having a high voice, as well as the fact that I was bullied in around 5-7th grade (I'm in 9th now), so I've always had a fear of other people.
    - I'm socially awkward so I think I'm mentally challenged because I can't keep people interested in a conversation.
    - My brothers get more attention than me, and when my mom ever talks to me it's "I'm going up to bed, ok baby?" or "make sure your homework is finished and come up around 11 so you can get a good nights rest." And whenever she calls when I get out of school it's like "do whatever you want to till I get home then we'll eat dinner."

    All of this stuff over a period of my entire life makes me feel suicidal to the max. Oh, and did I mention when I looked up my teachers address to e-mail him about it to shmooze my way out of any chance of a 0, I saw it showed his occupation as "Special Ed"? I thought I was in Modern World History, not Special Ed. Although maybe he used to teach special ed because the list was a .jpg file.

    I feel so bad that I just want to take my .22 Ruger rifle out of my gun safe and shoot myself in the head.

    I'm not going to say everything right now so this doesn't get too long but I'll add on once you start replying. I really need help with this, I've been feeling suicidal about it for over one year now. Please give me advice and whatever else can help, this is seriously ruining my life

  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I hate when parents do stuff like that; I remember having huge arguments with my mother because she always felt the need to treat me like a little kid, even when I was in high school and college.

    Do the ladies in the cafeteria treat other people the way they treat you?

    Being socially awkward doesn't make you mentally challenged! Talking to others, keeping people engaged in a conversation, comes easier to some people than it does to others. It doesn't mean there's anything mentally wrong with you.
  3. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    Well, you could always take a standard IQ test to see how you score... I am sure though that you are at least of average intelligence, the post you made was well thought out with no big spelling errors.
  4. Warrior2089

    Warrior2089 Active Member

    Yeah, I've taken one before (an "official" online IQ test) and scored about 135.

    Wild: I know it just ticks me off whenever I think I'm getting any special attention for ANY reason, even for something good. I don't see the lunch ladies doing things like that besides the normal conversation, but then again I don't ever pay attention to 'em either.
  5. Warrior2089

    Warrior2089 Active Member

    no replies? =/
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It's possible that they do the same thing to other people too. Might be worth paying attention, just to see if they do.

    Why does attention for something good bother you?
  7. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi. . . i am so glad you posted here.

    you will always get a response on s.f., but as a 'heads up', sometimes threads can get buried, so 'poke' around and you will always find someone to talk to!

    personally, i think parents just never know what to do. i have two children 11 and 16. and they love it when i baby'talk them. they are very spoiled : )

    i always call them pet names, and babytalk them. to me, they are strong and beautiful and capable, but also, they will always be my very own babies.

    perhaps your mom is erring on that side, and i am sorry you don't like it.

    you did the right thing by asking her to stop. and i wish she would listen to you.
    i wish, she would 'HEAR' you.

    it is the worst, to be unheard

    killing yourself won't solve your problems though. it will end your life. we dont' know what comes next. nothing. something better. something worse?

    when you stay alive, there is always hope.
    you are way too young to give up now.

    coming to s.f. saved me. i found support, good friends, and hope.
    and clarity

    i hope you find all the same. pm if you want to talk.
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