ive got a question but i dont know how to put it *possible trigger*

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ive kind of got a question but i dunno how to put this.ANd im kind of scared that my having this question or being in the situaiton to have this question makes me bad in the first place.

If you were really close to someone and they knew most of your story and what you had been through though perhaps they didnt know in detail quite how bad things may have become recently [though may or may not have their own ideas on that] and you had done something which may [i say may and it is only a may and i dont want to sound dramatic but it is certainly a possibility] sseriously harm or kill you soon but you knew that them knowing this and the detail of whats going on may really distress them and you also know that there is probably very very little they could for you in any way even if they did know more detail and more of what youd done would you tell them or not?Would you think it best to try and save this person more distress and keep it from them for that purpose to try and protect them from going through more than they have to which is kind of the conclusion im coming to at the mmomeent or would you tell them cos you think that if you ever arent here cos of it or get into a serious state then they may be forever wondering why you didnt turn to them and be hurt forever that you didnt.

i know having both of those scenarios makes me a bad person in the first place and being in the situation to even come up with that/those questions in the first place must mean im bad.i know that bit.But what would you do - try and save this person unnecessary extra distress by leaving it especially if you knwo there is little they could do for you anyway so youd only be upsetting them?Or would you think it best to tell them cos you at least owe them that and dont want them to think that you couldnt turn to them?What would you want someone to do if this dilema was the other way around and one of your friends was in this sitaution instead and had to decide about what to tell you?What would you want them to do?What do you think is best?

Sorry this is a stupid post.Just ignore me.And i must be such a bad person to even be writing posts like this.i cause chaos and people distress wherever i go.And i feel i would with this dilema too whatever the outcome.im sorry.Ignore this.


Staff Alumni
My opinion would be that it would be up to your own judgement of whether or not you think the person could handle what you wanted to tell them. In the end, it's all your decision, hon. Not to sound insensitive but that's just my personal opinion.

I'll shut up now...

well theres 2 ways for this, one way is that will the person be able to handle what you wnana tell them and the second is if you dont it might seem to that person that your hiding things from them, it really depends on the person your gonna tell, and as said before maybe you should go on your own judgement

sorry for not being much help, im here if you need to talk

vikki x


Staff Alumni
in my opinion the best thing you could do for both you and your friend would be to seek some professional help... are you seeing someone.. on meds... in danger of harming yourself...

please seek help and if you are in immediate danger of harming yourself please go to an emergency room...


Hey thanks for the replies.i know its very very much totally down to me in the end.That is something i understand and have been very very very aware of and conscious of really cos i think its important we all know that in life.Even though its probably the reason why my life is so messed up - me.Also as i said at the start to be honest the fact that im even needing to ask myself these questions,that im in the situaiton to have to need to ask myself these questions for me indicates i must be a bad person to have ended up here.

As for professional/medical help i have been down this path previously and also recently and i think certainly medically with my current situation i feel there is probably very very little people could do for me regardless if they knew more or not currently about how things are going.

i dont like being alone but is it worth causing potential upset and distress to others by telling them every little detail down to the last minute if really iknow they cant help me anyway?Or not enough to change the outcome.Would they want to know or not?Would it be fairer to keep the extent of things from them?Maybe im very selfish for not being able to cope alone?

i dont know what i should do and i feel im a really bad person to even be in the situaiton to be having to ask myself these questions.Sorry to repeat myself but i really do.


Staff Alumni
if i were your friend i would want you to join with me in finding a way to help you feel better because ..knowing or not knowing why you left me wont take away the pain of not having you here with me .....


Staff Alumni
I wouldn't tell them. If they couldn't help at all anyway then what is the point? It would seem to me like rubbing their nose in it. However, I'm not saying that you should come to the same conclusion, and my psychologist would probably say it is a typical reaction from me... Little Miss Independent! :dry: S'up to you in the end... you can only do what your gut tells you is the right thing for you to do.


Hi thankyou both for your replies.

Believe me Allofme even i wish i wanted help at the moment.But sometihing deep inside me keeps saying no,no,no.i dont know why things are like this for me but they are and at the end of the day a hospital or any other form of 'help' imaginable is not gonna realistically stop me for struggling for the whole of the rest of my life.Even the Accident and Emergency Department pointed that out to me when i was there.i didnt want hospital admission anyway but they freely volunteered the information that they would never conside it anyway really for me for that very reason........they cannot keep people there for life.......some might say well yes in theory they could but then what kind of life is that?

Believe me if there was any way i could make myself want help right now i would do it.But there isnt and this is how things are for me.i am not safe and i am in an amount of both physical and emotional pain.Believe me i wouldnt be putting myself through this let alone other people if i could just want help and if wanting it was any easier for me.But it isnt.

i conclude that that makes me bad so therefor e i will not stop others coming to hte same conclusion.

Shygirl im not trying to rub anyones noses in anything.i know i should be alone as i go through this but i am in a very diffiuclt postion too.i am trying to protect people from things right now cos nobody knows the half of it [my situation] currently.i know i have to take responsibilty for what i do here and if that means being alone it means being alone but right now i feel a huge burden of weight on my shoulders.How would anyone else feel if there wasnt a single person in the world they could turn to and tell hte whole truth to to share their problems which involved life and death and quite some distress?Also do people think its easy for me being alone as i know im going through the process towards dying?Going through that alone.

It doesnt always feel like a choice to me and certainly not an ideal choice.But yes in theory you can all say its my choice and fair enough.That doesnt mean i feel great about it.Or even feel good about it.Just cos its where i think i need to be and will end up doesnt mean i go around enjoying this.

It is not enjoying every day i ssit here gulping down the handfuls of tablets i feel compelled to take.Actually it is very distressing and a very distressing thing to need to do.It is not easy,enjoyable.ANd i tend to think unless i actually video taped [and im not goonna] my swallowing the handfuls of tablets down one day then nobody will actualy know the amount of distress im in.It would be very visibly clear on video cos of how it comes out when im distressed trying to take all hte tablets and shocve them all down.im not saying my distress is more than anyone elses.In fact its probably less and im just inadequate in coping or trying to cope.But i dont think a person could ever imagine that level of distress in another/for another.It is not imaginable.

i am trying to work out the dilema from what i think that person would rather me do.........except i do nnot know.


Also it is not easy for me seeing the people around me suffer as i go through this even if they dont know the full story at the moment.It is not easy,i certainly do not enjoy it.Actually it tears me up inside./im doing my best for those people.im sorry if my beest is not good enough.i rarely think its good enough either so i can understand that.But if it was easy for me to want help or easier for me to want it trust me i owuld not be putting everyone through this [myself and others] and the fact that i am jsut serves to remind me on a daily basis how bad,inadequate i am,how im hurting people and what a b***h i am really............it is a constant reminder........

i feel upset now so im gonna stop and yes i have taken a lot today.......so yes ive failed........and yses i feel bloody terrible about it...............
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