I've got five pills in my hand

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by xoCherie, Jun 17, 2012.

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  1. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    <mod edit-gentlelady-methods> Definite death. I've got my drink and phone beside me. The question now is, call for help or take the pills? Call for help and I'm on suicide watch. Swallow the pills and I slip into a coma and never wake up.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 17, 2012
  2. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    Two left.

    So tired. Want to sleep. Stay awake, keep them down, have the last two. Keep them down. Don't throw up. Don't don't don't. Wait it out. Keep drinking coke. Stay awake. Focus. Two left. You can do this. Ignore everyone trying to help. You don't want help. You want to sleep, forever and ever. Take the pills and sleep, stay asleep, never wake, always dreaming. All it takes is two more, and then blissful sleep is yours.
     
  3. ellorian

    ellorian Well-Known Member

    I hope you take what help you need to rebuild your life and not take the pills.
     
  4. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni



    This very post is a call for help... but it's not enough.
    Pick up the phone and get some assistance. If your appendix burst, would you not call an ambulance? If you thought you were having a heart attack, would you not go the the hospital? If you broke your arm, would you not go to the emergency room?

    When will people start treating this as a disease, like it is, and take the bad stigma out of it?

    Call.
     
  5. primrose

    primrose Well-Known Member

    Whatever the outcome Cherie I hope things get better. No one can make you get some help but I figure your pause in taking the tablets indicates you are unsure to some degree ...... please don't take the rest while you have any doubts whatso ever. I hope you do get some help rather than the other. Sending you some love sweetie because I know how utterly shit you must be feeling xxx
     
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I hope you called for help. I am sorry you are contemplating this as an option. There are other options out there. Why don't you stick around and let us help you explore them?
     
  7. Sea Sparkles

    Sea Sparkles Well-Known Member

    I really hope you called 9-11 .

    Please be safe :(
     
  8. Dying_Imp

    Dying_Imp Active Member

    Hey Cherie,
    I hope you called for help and are soon able to let us know how you are.
    I'm here if you want to talk / PM.
    Imp.
     
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I hope you are ok and that you called for help :hug: We all care about you here.
     
  10. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for scaring everyone last night.

    My friend hassled me for two hours to get my phone number, she called me and said she was going to get me an ambulance. They rocked up an hour later, around 12.30am. I ended up in hospital talking to the mental health worker who was on shift. I didn't realize they had my notes from my childhood, and he says I've got Borderline Personality Disorder, and because my mum has Bipolar I'm more likely to slip over into anxiety when I'm stressed and everything's just been becoming too much for me to deal with lately...the flashbacks have increased, I've started to disassociate myself in situations, I struggle to want to get out of bed. When he asked me what's stopping me, what made me reach out, I couldn't answer it. I have goals for the future, yeah. I want to run my own riding stables in ten years, I'm studying a diploma in management currently and when it finishes will do the diploma in business. I don't know what triggered me last night. I've had thoughts but I've never acted on them before.

    I'm so sorry for scaring everyone, I'm so so sorry. I wasn't in the right mind frame. Haven't been for weeks now.
     
  11. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    It's ok...we are glad that you are ok :hug:
     
  12. Dying_Imp

    Dying_Imp Active Member

    So glad that you are ok.
    :hamtaro: (had to use him, he's cute!)
    Imp.
     
  13. ellorian

    ellorian Well-Known Member

    You made it through a terrible time! Would it be ok if I do a little happy-dance?

    Seriously, I am very glad that at such a dark time you came here for support and opened up to a friend who could get you help. That shows you have at least one true friend there, as well as support here, and at least one coping mechanism that can be a life-saver. You also say you have a goal to work towards, which is excellent. I hope you continue to stay strong, to hold on to us and your friend(s?) when things are at their darkest and work on improving life towards your goals when things ease a little.
     
  14. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    This is awesome news!
    It's also a good example of how a moment can bring about thoughts that are too severe and not right. I'm so glad you beat this thing. Keep up the fight and keep on seeking assistance. People do care.
     
  15. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    One thing I will say, I won't consider that as an option again. For one, they wouldn't let me sleep at all and I didn't get home until 5am and only grabbed two hours sleep. My stomach hurts so much and I haven't been able to eat much today because it's sore. I worried so many friends, one was late to school and her whole hockey team almost got cut by the coach, one won't even talk to me now. I just hope it doesn't get back to my mum :unsure: she wouldn't be able to deal with it
     
  16. primrose

    primrose Well-Known Member

    Good to see you xoherie xx
     
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