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I've got no right to complain...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by KittyGirl, May 10, 2010.

  1. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I'll apologize first of all. I'm sorry to anyone who reads this...I don't mean to make anyone else feel bad...
    I just...
    I can't say this out loud- not even sure if saying it on here is going to help me at all. It's been almost a year since I've been held- but I'm still madly in love with my ex... like the fucking idiot that I am.
    I'm so hurt.
    I'm actually really lonely...
    I went from being with him every day and seeing him every day for the last 12 years-- to not seeing him at all; and feeling guilty for letting him lose interest in me.

    I feel so shitty right now.
    I keep getting all of these fucking chain-emails that are like; 'forward this email to 15 people in the next 15 minutes and your true love will confess to you' << shit like that makes me so MAD for some reason! And then I cry like a baby because the only person who I ever allowed myself to fall in love with left me. He hates me and I still feel like it's my fault that he dumped me.
    Whatever it was that made him want to leave me after 8 years of being together... after proposing to me 3 times and me FINALLY saying YES- after 3 pregnancy scares and being stalked and nearly raped and beaten to a pulp by strange men;he was always protecting me and being there for me--- he suddenly got sick of me and decided that he didn't want any more... but I still do.
    I would have continued going through hell forever if it meant that he would be with me through it. I never cared what people thought. I never looked at another man, I never thought about anyone in the same way... loved him unconditionally; and I still do... but now I'm alone and this pain is unbearable.
    It's not going away. The days go by quickly and I continue to get more and more pathetic and useless...

    I don't want to be alone anymore; but there's no one else I can even turn to anymore. I'm the only person I can depend on but I'm too weak to do anything on my own...
    I just want to disappear. go to sleep and never wake up. -_____-
  2. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

  3. unwinged

    unwinged Well-Known Member

    i feel for you. i want to be in love with someone. but i'm such strange person. now he knows everything i won't be surprised if he thinks why he ever liked me... i'm sorry for your loss.
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :depressed: ..... :hugtackles: :hug: Wow I am going through something so very similar it made want to cry. The first girl I gave... well myself too didn't want to be with me because I did not make it official. While it is not quite the history you had with this guy, 3 years. It was heartbreaking to know that something so small could ruin something so wonderful. I only have myself to blame.

    You are not alone Hun. If you ever want to talk, I can definitely empathize with your situation. Feel free to PM me.