It's just...complete and utter calm. I've been depressed for 10 years, and it's not "numb", it's not "empty" it's calm. I'm scared Because when I was walking to shool, I saw five trucks - two logging, one dump truck, and two construction trucks - and each time I could see in my mind's eye me walking into their path and getting hit. It didn't scare me. I was just like "oh, wonder..." and it was only the Lifeline councellor's voice in my ear that kept me walking, kept me going to school. But I'm scared, that there won't be a phone call this afternoon. In two hours. There won't be someone there to stop me from running in front of a car or truck. And yet I'm not scared, at the same time. A phantom scared, maybe. I know it's not normal. I know that it's another "plain" of depression - the "I don't care" plain. Because I don't. I don't care if I die, because I've got my tattoo and my tongue piercing. I don't care, because then the court case would stop, my "friends" would stop the text bullying, I would stop feeling, living, hating, hoping, starving, suffocating. I already know how I'm going to die I've known for weeks now, but not known at the same time Walking across the crossing without looking to see if the cars stopped Darting between traffic at the lights It's gotten rid of my fear, my split-second hesitation. Now I look at a car coming towards me and think "hit me. Make it end."