So I made what was probably a mistake and am having a drink right now. I don't have a problem with alcohol or anything, it just feels strange to be drinking alone on a Sunday night. I know why I'm upset - I haven't heard from my "boyfriend" in three days, I just tried to call and he rejected it. We've been struggling pretty hard for a while and I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I just can already feel the bad decision fairy on my shoulder. When I get upset and feel hurt and rejected, my usual MO is to find someone to make me feel less alone for a couple of hours. Bad decision, I know, especially if I really want things to work out with the pseudo-boyfriend. But part of me is seriously like, fuck it. I feel like I end up driving everyone away anyway so who cares? I just needed to rant somewhere and I logged on here so I wouldn't feel quite as alone. Out of all the bad feelings I have (depression, anxiety, suicidal, e.g.) I think feeling alone by far the worst. So I'm going to finish this drink and try not to make any bad decisions, I'm going to go to bed at a respectable time and get up and do a good job at work tomorrow. Because that's what people do, right?