I've had enough of this ungrateful life!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Shauna Lea, Oct 4, 2007.

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  1. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    I’m having the worst day! In fact I’ve had the worst few weeks, the worst few years! I’m almost as down as I was when I was with Blake and the worst part is that I don’t know y! Everything should be so much better but I’m not happier. I still love him in a way and I don’t love myself when I’m on my own! He treats his new girlfriend perfectly, he does everything for her that I asked of her and it makes me feel like I’m such a horrible person! I still have nightmares at night, I’m scared to go to sleep….at the same time I’m scared to be awake because of how much pain I’m in! I can’t do anything without being reminded of how weak I’ve become! Everyone thinks I’m doing so much better but in reality, I’ve just become a better actress. I don’t wanna be alone, I don’t wanna be here without someone to spend my life with and love. I can’t tell anybody how I really feel because it’s not normal, people aren’t supposed to be this way…especially not someone with so many amazing people around her! I feel like a horrible friend, a horrible daughter, a horrible sister! I hate so many things! I hate the way I look, I hate that Blake saved me, I hate that I can’t be happy, I hate that I’m so stubborn, I hate that I let myself get this way again, I hate that I let myself b treated that way, I hate that although I have everything I feel like I have nothing, I hate that I’m ungrateful, I hate that I don’t stand up for myself, I hate that I’m too stupid to get help and stick to it…and most of all I hate me! The person that I am and the person that I am going to b in the future! If I let this go, I’m gonna b nothing! My dreams are all dying along with my faith and trust. I believe that you can’t trust anyone in this world 100%, that’s no way to live! I can’t even trust my own heart. I don’t know how I feel because I have been lying to myself for so long. I have an expectation to live up to and I’m failing miserably. I’m meant to be Shauna – popular, talented, loving, caring and happy! I’m none of those things. I am all out of ideas, enthusiasm and faith…there is only so much one person can do. I’ve tried a thousand times and been denied every single time so maybe it’s not meant to be? Maybe I have everything wrong, maybe everyone is wrong about me? I don’t know! All I know is that I can’t think of anything worse than spending another hour like this let alone another day or week. I give my all and get this in return…that’s not how the world should work! I am here because of those around me, because of my friends and family…but at some stage I have to stop and do things for myself!

    If life is this selfish and ungrateful, I don’t wanna have anything to do with it!
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Firstly :hug: I'm sorry that you are so down right now. You are not a horrible person honey. I know you are still in love with your ex. Sometimes love is hard to overcome, it will eventually fade but it takes time. You say you need to do for you, but hurting yourself is not doing for you or helping you. It's only hurting you. You are so talented honey. I hope you breakthrough in your music and you find better and happier days

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