I've had enough

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by alphonso, Oct 11, 2016.

  1. alphonso

    alphonso Member

    I honestly think I can't go on much longer. I have no friends no special someone in my life and I feel my family just uses my for their benefit. This morning I even planned on quitting my job and even doing something to myself I never thought I would. Its so messed up when you are there for other people but no one is there for you. There's no hope for me. I'm tired, sad, depressed all the time while feeling angry, frustrated, and incredibly lonely. I really think this is it for me. Even while writing this is feel severely inferior.
  2. curlyq

    curlyq Active Member

    I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. You're definitely in the right place; many people here have had very similar feelings. It's possible to feel better again. I hope that you've managed to make it through the day. Have you considered getting professional help? Please keep holding on! Sending hugs.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there and welcome to SF, glad you joined and shared some of your story with us, are you taking any medications or seeking therapy? Don't make any serious decision when feeling this way, get help first, maybe you just need some time off of work? Could you do that? I'm always lonely too, this website helps me so much regarding loneliness but I know it is not the same as having an IRL friend. Work on it, join clubs, get yourself out there, get out of the house as much as you can. I hope things improve for you x
  4. alphonso

    alphonso Member

    Thanks for the kind words. I have been seeing a counselor for a while but it helps only so much. The loneliness part is especially killing me and it's hard to go out there when no one wants to hang with you be so much easier if I did have someone with me. I've been feeling this way for years I'm just hoping the hurt will stop.
  5. Harmony2

    Harmony2 New Member

    You took the words right out of my mouth. I'm struggling taking care of my mom with dementia at the sake of my own well being right now. Everyone who claims to care is oblivious to what I'm going through. It just makes me feel like I don't matter. Sending you hugs and know you are not alone.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    What kind of approach is your counselor going by? Cbt? talk therapy? I am glad that at least it is helping a bit.
    Please try and get yourself out there and maybe join a peer support group? I have heard that has helped many people.
    How many years have you been feeling this way? What is the main thing that has helped you through this so far?
  7. alphonso.


    It has been a while since I have been active on here. Your post however really reached out to me, it inspired me to respond. Why? Because I honestly can relate. I work in mental health (the irony?). I have worked in various capacities as a carer for numerous health problems, a support worker for mental health, and now within a psychiatric hospital. I have dedicated my working life to bettering the mental health system, and make it more useful.

    I also have borderline personality disorder/emotionally unstable personality disorder. I suffer extreme emotional turmoil, combined with chronic insecurity, anxiety, paranoia, psychosis and suicidal ideation.

    I have no partner, I do not trust the few friends I have a lot of the time, I cannot make new friends and I an suspicious of my family, whom I depend on for my care needs. Because they cannot meet my care needs, and they expect things back from me, I spend 80% of my time feeling as though they use me. Equally, 100% I fear they will abandon me.

    Its a complicated situation.

    The irony extends, despite myself working hard to make sure people are helped sufficiently? I get literally no help. None. The counselling service I was referred to have rejected me, I am on a 12 month waiting list for any further support and the psychiatrist had to be pushed to actually make a ''tentative diagnosis', despite records of psychiatric distress. So as you can imagine I feel I am not good enough, and the world is working against me.

    However, I would say, work with the people on here. Work with anyone you can, you are more than welcome to message me and I will try to help you. Honestly, I will try. Because seriously, you wouldn't be on here if you truly thought you had nothing. I really believe that. I believe that people on here, even those in immediate crisis, have a bit of hope, a bit of motivation. They want to exist, to some extent, and they see something. That is why you're here no? Because you want us to help :)

    People on here, on any forum like this, offer one thing the professionals don't. They offer something very few mental health services can (and trust me, I know, I have seen both sides of it. I have worked in environments where professionally, mental health workers are encouraged to hide that they have ever had a problem with their mental health, because it is desired that they should appear strong, absolute rubbish). This forum offers real experience, from real people, who have really been there. That is something that honestly? You won't find in professional help. So no, not everyone here is trained to doctorate level in offering prescriptions, or have a masters degree in talking to people (psychotherapy) or listening (counselling). No, but we all in all have something much better.

    We truly understand, and truly care.

    Please do not give up. Please.

    Have the strength to carry on, have the strength to defy all you're feeling.

    Have the strength to continue talking to us.
  8. alphonso

    alphonso Member

    Hi theonethatsatinthecorner

    Thank you for your response. Everyday is a struggle which you can understand. Feeling like this hurts and I feel like sitting in a corner by myself ( no pun intended). Not many people understand why I feel this way other than the people on this site which actually helps a bit. I wake up not understanding how I can keep going after all this emotional distress. But at the same time I am glad that this forum and people like you care about my well being even if the people I interact with don't. Know that you have a brother here who is also willing to listen to you. I understand all too well what you have been going through because either I have experienced it or seen others go through it. Stay strong my friend and keep doing what you are doing for people
  9. alphonso

    alphonso Member

    Honestly petal I question what keeps me going myself. I guess there's that part in me telling me to hold on a little longer. Counseling helps to a certain degree just by getting things of my chest cause I hold in a lot of frustration and anger. Hopefully whatever is keeping me going stays with me so I don't lose myself