I've had it with the disease that is Asperger's and won't continue with it

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Ldub20, Aug 2, 2012.

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  1. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    Why live for the sake of others and continue to suffer because of this disease when I can kill myself?
  2. Giovanni91

    Giovanni91 Member

    Do you have any friends you can talk to in real life or even online? Maybe things will get better, talk to a therapist....meet other asperger's people and tell you family how you feel
    are you in a relationship? live another day matt, maybe just maybe you'll meet someone special i'd live just for that if i were you
  3. letty

    letty Banned Member

    I hope you dont give up Matt, hang in there i agree with giovanni91,
  4. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    Yeah it does feel selfish at best, when others start telling us to stay alive, because of them. Feels like they really, STILL do not understand us, nor do they want to. Feels like they still don't get it, and as if they are asking us to be somebody else, and be in pain... as long as THEY are happy.

    I don't think people realize that although sometimes asking us to stay around for them can work, other times it really makes us question if they want us to be miserable just so they can be happy. I don't think they realize that we need something more to cling onto... we need a reason.

    They are asking us to say, so they can be happy... fine... but for what reason? Why? They miss that part entirely, but we don't. We see it, and see through their requests for us to live.

    What saved me was someone FINALLY giving a damn reason, instead of just saying oh I need you here, please dont do this, or please be alive... etc... Alive for what exactly?

    It's a real insult to be told to be alive, but remain miserable. It's a bomb on everything to be asked to be alive, as long as we are alive...doesn't matter if we are miserable. Do the people who are asking you to live, know how you feel right now? Do they realize that you need a better reason, than being alive just so others can be alright...while you remain miserable?

    Do they understand that you need more depth?

    Also, this is really out there, and may piss you off... but perhaps part of your suffering comes from an inability to "cope" with your disease. By coping, I mean, finding a way to live where it no longer determines how you live or who you are etc... nor would it determine the quality of your life anymore either. Sort of finding ways to accept certain parts, and control others....and handle the other parts.

    Obviously it's not easy. It's no walk in the park, and its not nice to eat and chew on like cake. It's a thorny cactus, at best. Nobody wants to hug a cactus. But, YOU are not the cactus. That's not you.

    It's very hard to separate ourselves from our "conditions". We often feel like we ARE or have become our conditions. Like the condition runs us, as we are sitting in the sidelines. What I am saying now, I hope, is something you can consider now, as a reason to be around for more time... because what you are going through now is NOT life. It's not anything except for a condition that chooses for you. A condition that has yet to be tackled or managed in a way where you can actually win.

    Every condition has it's definite bastard downsides. But they also come alongside very thoughtful areas, that us as humans would never otherwise experience...very unique and powerful areas. The depth that you can reach, although painful, is something of a beautiful miracle in itself. It can allow you to create, and ponder, and analyse; and gives you skills that CAN help you, and others.

    It's hard to see that at the moment, when those very same skills basically dig deep into your cranium and drive you mental. When those same skills just beat you down day in and out; but they are concentrating loosely right now. That can be changed. That's a hard road, and you'd have to find that reason to bother doing it to begin with, but it seems you are really looking for your answers from others.

    Perhaps seeking that thing to cling onto... because you can't find it in yourself. You may find it from others... when you get the right person; or you may find just utter disappointment if you keep trying to get that answer from people who just don't get you or understand you, as I said in the beginning.

    I guess part of your answer is to weigh less heavily on the people who clearly do not understand you. The ones I mentioned who are asking you to be miserable and breathe, so they can be happy. Clearly, they don't get the deeper problems.

    Posting here is a good start. Another good start would be to find a therapy group... I.E. a group of people who can share and talk about their inner workings too... and people who can relate, who won't judge...who you can see face to face... and work through things with. Build trust with...have around longer than just a short conversation or a thread.

    It can go beyond that to therapy; but I won't promise that finding the right therapist is easy... finding that person who can actually work with you, and work FOR you is difficult too. A group therapy is a much faster and easier way to get the same thing, because you will find that you can relate to people when they are able to actually open up and be TRUTHFULLY honest about the crap that really goes on in their hearts and heads...

    They'd never say it to a friend in real life, but hey, they do say it in a group...or to a therapist.. and maybe you need some of that. A place to belong again. Finally some understanding. A feeling like it's not just YOU anymore... like you're not the only one... to feel NORMAL. Yes I pulled the big guns out: NORMAL.

    Normal to learn that other people ache, and question life, and drive themselves mental inside... to learn that other people have odd habits and do things they hate...and can't get why they can't just change. To know that other people too sit there and wonder why they are the way they are, and wish they were not around, or wish they were someone else etc....

    Other people who have no reason either, who can't cope either... who are so stuck, that 1000 lights down their well hole wouldn't even show or light up one brick on the way down to the deep depths.

    It seems like you need some renewal... and maybe that renewal shouldn't come with a very exact answer at first. But perhaps with maybe a glimmer of hope, some understanding.... a door opening up for once.

    That might just come with putting less weight on the people who are saying hey... be around for my happiness; maybe your family and friends saying that (who don't get how deep down you are still).... and maybe seek the people who actually DO get it, and who won't sit there and say "hey don't feel like that" or "hey be alive anyway".

    Obviously that is absurd for anyone to say that to you. Listening to that is not that useful. But maybe hearing that you aren't alone. Maybe hearing how other people manage...get through it... or that they TOO do that.

    Maybe hearing that you aren't so odd, and maybe are more normal than you think. Maybe hearing that it can be managed, that it isn't YOU...that you are likeable and useful...and clever etc...

    Maybe hearing those things, could be that door for now. It's definitely not a nasty door, like the one you currently have open, where life means living even if you are miserable.

    Give it a think around.... see if that's something maybe that you'd prefer, to what you currently are stuck in. See how you feel about the ideas I presented.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 2, 2012
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I have a good friend who as Asperger's and she does really well. It just makes it a little difficult to recognize social cues and stuff, but you're pretty much a normal person.
  6. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Don't continue to live for others... Continue for yourself. There are solutions out there. If you were in Texas, for instance, there are so many great programs for you to take advantage of to assist in coping and management skills. Where ever you live, there may be the same. Look into those.
  7. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    Yes, don't live for other people. Many people are shallow and they don't know how to deal with those who can follow the hive mentality that is called "society." If you don't dress, act, or behave like them, you're an outsider. Take it from someone who has never fit in, I've learned to create my own world without a lot of friends and while I won't say it isn't hard being a misfit, I'm learning to survive on my own. The trick is staying busy. I write and I compose music and these two things consume most of my free time, besides my family and my job. I used to want to have a social life, friends, and so on, but it just never works, no one takes me serious, and my friends are the worse supporters of anything I do artistically, so I've just learned to do things I enjoy. I've even pulled back from most of the social networks, except for this place.

    I can tell you this, when you stop looking outside for other people, their approval and so on, you get to see how beautiful life really is. There are places I'm sure you'd love to visit, or crafts and such you'd love to dive into and create things. Direct your focus inside yourself and away from the outside world. The outside world is full of pain, but our inside world is rich with a world just waiting to be discovered and made much brighter and colorful by you.
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