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I've Had It!!!

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My 18 year old asshole stepson changed his mind about joining the Navy because he'd rather stay home and smoke pot, screw his new girlfriend, and not grow up. He can't stand the thought of actually growing the fuck up, being a man and doing the right thing for once in his life.

He's made me so miserable for the last 12 years. :mad: :sad: I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!!

There was a light at the end of the tunnel. He was going to be gone. But NO! He's decided to stay and add more misery to my life. I want him OUT. :blub:


Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
Jeez Kit !! Have a 23 year old son who wont do anyhting. Sits on his computer wasting his life playing fucking WOW.

Today he was like, you have to get a good enough job so you can pay for a really good internet connection cos this one sucks. I have stewed on that little gem for the entire evening. I mean WTF he is never going to get off his arse and help me, now is he!!!

So know where you are coming from !!!! :mad:


Well-Known Member
Help him look for a job. I know for sure joining the navy would be my last option. Find something he likes/would be interested in.

Have you explained your feelings about him staying at home?


Well-Known Member
He was the one who wanted to join the Navy in the first place. We didn't know anything about it until he said one day that he was enlisting.

But now he doesn't want to because if he does, then he has to give up the drugs, alcohol, leave his new girlfriend, and all his loser druggie friends. He'd have to actually grow up.

He's a freakin' sign walker with Little Caesar's Pizza. For those who don't know what that is, he walks up and down the sidewalk in front of the pizza place holding an advertising sign. He makes minimum wage and only works like 20 hours a week. And he bitches that he has to work so much and that he has no money to do what he wants!

He won't pay his bills and it comes back on us. We can't afford to pay our bills plus his. Whenever we try to talk to him about what he's going to do with his life and how he's going to pay his bills, he flies into a violent rage - yelling, cussing, throwing and breaking things. He expects US to pay his bills, and doesn't plan on moving out for years!

He thinks everything should be handed to him on a silver platter. And that since we're his parents we have to take care of him for as long as he wants us to, no matter how old he is. WTF??!!!!!

He dropped out of high school. Has little opportunity to improve his life enough to where he could even move out of our house. That is, unless he joins the military.

I KNEW he was gonna do this!!! It's what he always does. He quits everything if he perceives that it will require any effort on his part whatsoever. All he wants to do is drink, do drugs, screw his girlfriend, play video games, and hang out with his drug dealing, pot smoking, druggie LOSER friends!

I'm still so pissed off! :mad:


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Sounds like you guys had alot running on him moving out and starting on with his life. Must be harsh for you.. sounds like he's disappointed you big time.

If you are paying for his bills(I dont know what) maybe you should stop. Maybe you should save up some money for 2-3months rent and then once u have it, tell him he is an adult now, and it's time he moved out in 30 days, giving him enough time to get his affairs in order, finding a place/getting more hours work. To help him out, you've saved him enough money for a few months rent, but after that he's on his own.

This part you might not like, but from me to you, it's important to remember he is your son, even if its no by blood, even if he has dissappointed you for over a decade. You sound very angry with him, you're angry with everything he does.. even his job, which, it's a job, not a tool to use against him in my opinon. I did drugs, have friends who i did them with, had a friend who dealt with. We all did jack all after highschool, but now we're all starting our lives. We all have jobs, live on our own, go to school now.. but at a certain part, we were in his position. I agree, its a bad place to get comfortable with, but to attack each point so harshly... i donno, im assuming its just under your skin and you're letting it out here and not with him. and i dont know him, he could beva total asshole, .. but he's just a young man now. He needs to leave the 'nest' so to say.

i don't know your history with your stepson, and to say he's made you miserable for 12years... i donno.. but joining the army? thats really extreme. im not surpized he backed out of that off of what youve said. its truly demanding. its not easy either leaving the people you know and the people who love. I know you,...really don't like him at this moment, but you might want to try looking at certain things from his perspective. Not to use them as an excuse, but to be able to start a communication that will help motivatevhim and make him realize without shouting and bringing him down that he's an adult and he has to look after himself very soon. ... i mean.. if you say he;'s made your life miserable for 12years... sounds like you two might be disconnected in a way or never did connect. its hard on kids, turning to drugs is a way they can free their minds in a sense.

He won't pay his bills and it comes back on us. We can't afford to pay our bills plus his. Whenever we try to talk to him about what he's going to do with his life and how he's going to pay his bills, he flies into a violent rage - yelling, cussing, throwing and breaking things. He expects US to pay his bills, and doesn't plan on moving out for years!

yeah... to me that sounds like he's really angry about something inside thats dug prettydeep. Either that or he doesnt realize what it means to survive. if there are some unfinished disputes or lack of certain things between you guys and your son, maybe you could attempt to talk to him, but i figure thats something he has to want to do, and its pretty draining. Propbably best that you stop paying his bills, inform him that anymore that come in in his name will not be paid by you. Stand your ground and tell him he has to move out soon. i mean, its either that, or do nothing which is er.. not a good idea.. or try to learn how to talk to eachother. cause he sounds disconnected from reality.. or something.

I honestly feel for you, i feel like shit for the hell ive put my parents through, ive draged them through so much, Ill never be able to repay them, but I will try, cause they were always there for me, despite my horrible behavior. I dont think you ever would, but dont turn your back on him. ..but let him know whos house he's in, whos money he's useing. dont bounce off his frustration. hes got to realize that no matter how much he bitches, it isnt going to change the calm cool truth.


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Dev, I feel for you. We both know how hard it is. :hug:

Blake, we haven't paid his bills in several months. We couldn't afford to, even if we wanted to. I don't use his job against him. It took him years to get one and I don't want to jeopardize that. I was letting the anger out here so that I wouldn't lose it with him.

Maniac, I've thought about leaving. I seriously have. But I don't think I can bear leaving my husband. :sad:

It was his idea to join the Navy, not ours. We would never force that on him. And him not joining is his right. It's his life. But if he's not going to join, then he needs to leave.

I can't go on much longer with him living here doing what he does. More than once he's actually let me think I was going crazy, told me maybe I was seeing or imagining things, and even when he saw my suffering, wouldn't admit he was lying. He has no empathy for anyone else. He's willing to compromise his ethics and morals if they get in the way of what he wants. He shows no remorse when he hurts me or someone else. He has an enormous sense of entitlement and gets very angry when we don't give in to him.

He intentionally used the knowledge of my past sexual abuse against me.

He's very violent. He scares me. He attacks me emotionally on a daily basis. It's very hard to live with. He's got a bad history with his mom and he's admitted that he takes it out on me and that he doesn't care how it affects me.

I just don't have anything left. I've been burned too many times by him. He's intentionally hurt me so many times in ways that I can't even begin to describe. The hurt and anger run very deep. I'm tired of what he puts me through. I'm done. It's obvious that I'll never have a good relationship with him. He does not want it, never has. He hates me and calls me every name in the book. He knows the pain I feel and does his crap anyways and feels no remorse. After all, I'm "just the woman who married his dad". He says that all the time. :sad:

When his emotions flare up (which is all the time, btw), mine automatically flare to match his because of my bipolar. I've tried to control it, but don't have much luck with it. So my own rollercoaster of emotions isn't enough. I ride his, too. It's very exhausting and it's taking a huge toll on me.

I know this makes me sound like major bitch. But I just don't know how to get through to him and I'm too tired to try anymore. :sad:

The light at the end of the tunnel's been extinguished and I'm once again left in the miserable dark with someone who hates me and is out to hurt me. :blub:
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Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
Know what Kit, your husband should step in here and tell him a few home truths.
It's his son but your his wife and therefore his son should show you some respect. Get him to deal with it all instad of taking this on yourself !!!


Well-Known Member
I know, Dev. He steps in when he sees it, but most of the time my stepson does it when he's gone. I used to tell my husband, but I started feeling like I was whining all the time, so unless it's really bad now, I just don't say anything to him at all. I mean, really, what's the use anyway? Nothing his dad says to him makes any difference.


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Maybe you should give your husband an ultimatum, tell him either the son moves or you do. I know it seems harsh but if he's making your life a misery, it might be the only thing.


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I don't think I can, LMA. I love my husband too much.

But you know what? My stepson just came home and is stoned out of his mind. I hope this will be enough to make my husband so pissed off that he kicks him out. I know I've certainly had it. And my husband's really close to kicking him out anyway.
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