I've had suicide attempts leaving me clinically dead. I am hurting so bad right now

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kefka, Jul 7, 2015.

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  1. Kefka

    Kefka New Member

    I just can't do this anymore. I am 32, I have a college scholarship for 40,000 dollars, and my whole future ahead of me but the emotional pain I suffer is just too much to take anymore. Last year my marriage of 8 years ended. I had 3 sucide attempts one of which left me dead in the ambulance after search and rescue looked for me for 3 hours. How I didn't die while I was <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> is beyond me, by somehow I died only in the 10 minutes after those 3 hours while I was in the rescue. Fast forward 7 months I am just starting to feel better. I meet a girl and we both fall deeply for each other. We both want the same things out of life and we both had bad childhoods and were completely sympathetic and understanding to one another. She saw me battle my depression and I was honest with her about all my suicide attempts and my fights with depression and in return she opened up to me and told me things she never even told her mother, like that her father molested her and all the semi suicidal things she did with other men including sleeping with 2 guys in one night and just wishing she would be killed in the process/ We had been completely honest about everything that happened in our lives and we were accepting and understanding. 2 months ago she walked away from me because I had threatened suicide and after giving her 5 weeks of space with no contact she acted like she didn't even know me. I love her more than I ever loved anyone and I simply cannot deal with this pain on top of all the things I already feel. I feel so betrayed how another human being could open up so much about themselves and then turn into a cold person who acts like they don't even know the person they claimed to love more than anyone.

    I know I have only mentioned alot of the bad stuff but we were both respectful to one another, caring, loving, no abuse in any way, we were like two broken people who found each other and became whole. I cannot understand for the life of me why she would not let us work on ourselves and continue to be in each others lives. She just walked away and I can no longer talk to her anymore. It has been 2 months and I still wake up wanting to vomit every morning. People keep saying it will get better but nothing is getting better and I don't see a future for myself anymore.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Re: I've had suicide attempts leaving me clinically dead. I am hurting so bad right n

    Hi and welcome to SF.

    There are many people out there who don't understand suicidal feelings, and to them (or anyone really), it's terrifying when someone they care about threatens suicide. For many, instead of trying to help the person through, their initial instinct is to run away. I'm sorry this is what happened to you.

    I understand you're hurting over what she did; but I'm also curious about what's caused your suicidal thoughts previously.
     
  3. Kefka

    Kefka New Member

    Re: I've had suicide attempts leaving me clinically dead. I am hurting so bad right n

    She told me she had wanted space and needed to fix herself and she was having major problems just dealing with every day life and I took that as a break up and i became suicidal so that scared her off and precipitated everything I said above.
     
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