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I've heard others say...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by DizzleXxX, Aug 11, 2012.

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  1. DizzleXxX

    DizzleXxX New Member

    Hello..just a small intro, first. I am 32 years old..I have two children, and I have been married before. Happily..though you wouldn't know it now.

    I have had panic disorder, depression, agoraphobia and OCD (pure O) all of my life. For a good three years I was housebound. I don't know how to write this clearly, as my mind is a jumble and I am a strange mix of angry and tearful as I am trying to convey what I want to say. I am not a bad person. I have done bad things. I have stolen to ease my anxiety (something else about me, please don't judge).

    When my ex husband decided that I was , as he said, "no longer fun" he left me for a 20 year old girl in the next state over. He now has taken me to court for custody of my son..which he will probably win because he had an attorney and I did not. Kind of hard to hire someone when you can't manage to find a job. (not for lack of trying..freaking job market here is crap) My heart is broken. I really cannot see any way out of this heartache, misery..all of that. I have always heard people say that they have no where else to turn but to suicide, and I have felt that many times lately. I cry, scream, beg and try to just be angry or be at least able to see a way FORWARD..and I just can't.

    I miss my kids. I miss my old life. I am so so lonely. So sad. Anyone else ever gone through these things?
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi Dizzle
    I am sorry for the horrible pain you find yourself in. I have not experienced some of what you write. While I have experienced other things you wrote about. I have certainly cried scrfeamed and begged. I have lived with my heart broken. I have felt loss. And yes, I have had agoraphobia, inability to work, depression and panic. although I do not have panic attacks anymore. I still do have anxiety. A lot of it. I am sorry that your husband left you and wants to have custody of the children. I cannot imagine how painful that would feel.

    I am glad you found your way here. People are very supportive here. So please keep posting. Do you have support irl? i really hope that you do.
  3. Finance

    Finance Well-Known Member

    Sure, I go through it everyday. It's 3:11 am and I'm on a suicide site. This is the end of the line.

    The agoraphobia is what hurts me the most.

    I'm kinda interested in the stealing relieving stress. Never heard it before.
  4. DizzleXxX

    DizzleXxX New Member

    It wasnt really to relieve stress, but it was more like it gave me a high...and that eased the anxiety.
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Dizzle - do hope that you still log on here, ... have only just come across your thread.

    I have been in a dark place due to **stuff** - and felt there was no way out other than suicide. But, honey there IS......... - please PM me if you want to, or find my thread on page 2 "Would you like to be re-made" which is about the hope that is out there to be experienced, hun :) Blessings and strength to you
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