I've hurt myself even more....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by 5150incalif, Jun 27, 2007.

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  1. 5150incalif

    5150incalif Member

    I didn't realize it, but I've hurt myself by keeping all the hurt and pain I feel inside. Doing my last hospitalization, my doctor had made a comment that I hid my feelings well and that there was sometime simmering just under the surface. I didn't know what all this meant, but I look back and now see that I have kept all this anger and unhappiness within me. The suicide attempts was a result of not controlling the hurt I feel. I know it's just a matter of time. I don't want to got to another hospital. I would rather die before I go throught this again.

    I'm been in private therapy for depression and suicidal behavior for 7 years. I'm really tried to understand my daily. I hope anyone reading this might have similar situation, I would liked to communicate with anyone who has gone through this. How did you deal with the suicide. I've tried to hang myself two times and tried to stab my self.

    My most troubling issue is my anger towards myself, This triggers is something that my doctor is trying to keep under control. I admit that I feel like I'm one step to completeling suicide. I have loss the inner fight and feel it would be an end to a very unhappy life. I do not plan to tell anyone before I plan to go. I had enough of medications that therapy.

    I wonder if there are anyone who is going through this same situation as me. What are you doing to keep yourself alive. My doctor admits that she has tried everything and it was me that needs to let go the anger and give away every knife, wires, ropes. The process is in my hands. If I can control the compulsiveness and the nagatives. Who do you handle this?
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You said you are good at hiding your anger. do you let it stay all bottled up inside you until you can take no more and then explode? If so, you need to try and develop some ways to let your anger surface before it gets to that point. Keeping it in does not help you out at all. Perhaps your suicidal urges could diminish if you were to let the anger go. No one can do that for you. I know it isn't an easy thing to do. Could you do something like throwing a ball outside, or archery, punching bag, hitting a pillow, building something/ poundin nails can relieve some of the built up tension. If you become a skilled builder, you also will have an accomplishment to be proud of. As with any anger releasing devises, you must be careful. I hope you are able to get this under control. I don't want you to harm yourself in any way. Please take care and stay safe. :hug:
     
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