I've Just About Had it!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Darkness N Light, Aug 13, 2007.

  1. Darkness N Light

    Darkness N Light Staff Alumni

    I do not remember the last time I have posted in this section but I feel like if I don't now I am just gonna let it boil and boil and I will blow. I have had it up to my eye balls and I can't just take it anymore. No matter what I do in life I feel like it isn't good enough. I still blame myself for my fiance's suicide and I know that it IS NOT my fault but I just can't seem to accept that. I blame myself for everything that I have been through in my life and I am just sick to death of doing that.
    It is my father's fault that I am deadly affraid of being around guys I don't know when they are drinking. I am tired of constantly looking over my damn shoulder and being affraid of him or one of his damn friends coming after me. I mean ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! I HAVE HAD IT WITH THEM ALL!!! Why am I letting them win? Why am I affraid to go to places and do things I used to do all the time just because of THEM!!! When will it all end? Will it all END? I have asked myself these questions time and again and have yet to come up with an answer.
    Now I am going to vent at my fiance who is dead!! WHY DID YOU DO IT? WHY in the hell did you put your DEATH on my shoulders? Yes, I know you probably didn't mean to but when you wrote me the notes that you did that is exactly what you did. HOW could YOU not trust in me? How could you not love me enough to know that I wouldn't just give up on you and leave you because of what you did while you were drunk. DAMN YOU for causing me so much pain and misery. DAMN YOU for making me feel this way 5 years on. Why did you do it? Why couldn't you come to me. NOT only did I LOSE you I LOST our daughter too. How do you think that made me fee? DAMN YOU DAMN YOU DAMN YOU!!! Why am I still so angry with you? When will the pain cease? When will I be able to think of you and not be angry and feel like I hate you?
  2. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Good for you, letting it out. Hope it helped some.

    There should be no boiling and blowing :nono:

    :hug: You've been through a lot. Be safe and try to hang on, you're very brave for having gotten this far.

    You have my fullest support.

    I'm genuinely here if you ever need to talk. =)
  3. Myself

    Myself Active Member

    As am I. I am prepared for much shouting. Because it's realy text and will have no effect on my hearing whatsoever. But still.

    I like a place where you can just SCREAM! It always makes you feel better. And if it's on the internet, all the better. Specialy for you. Cuz nobdy knows it's you. Unless they're a crazy stalker. But those people are weird and'll be caught by the police.

    Ignore that last thingy.

    Just SCREAM! It always helps.

    And so does talking. Do that to!
  4. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    :hug: I'm glad your get the anger out keeping it in side is not heathly nor good for the person. I'm sorry for the way your dad and friends treat you its not right and if i was over there hun i would make sure they wouldn't do it again. :hug: you know were to find me if you need anything you know i care your like a big sis to me take care! :hug: