I've just found out..

[obiretter]

...that my partner has set up a website/blog about being in a relationship with someone who has depression (me!)

I logged onto his PC (as I do every now and then so that I can use the printer) and a browser page was left open.

I have no idea what to do. I don't know when it was set up but it seems like within the last few months. He has never said anything about it. Clearly he doesn't want me to know.

There are blog posts with touches on personal experiences all in an advice type style. I mean he hasn't exactly said anything bad about me but there's some stuff on there that just isn't factual and that he's mistaken in.

The most annoying part... being in an advice style, there's endless shit on there that he's written out for other people, yet doesn't even do himself?! Even to the tiniest extent.

I mean, it's largely a website absolutely full of things I'm constantly trying to get him to understand, that he pretty much never acknowledges/implements in real life?! The literal fucking cheek of it.


I have no idea what to do. Or think.
I really need some outside views on this.

 

[obiretter]

Like, should I be angry? Should I say something?

There's no way I'll ever be able to get it out of my head when I'm around him if I dont.

Tbh I'm shocked and upset and pissed off, is this fair? Am I really supposed to keep this a secret and just end up reading everything from the sidelines, things about my actual life... and end up getting all worked up over it and over analyzing it all every time he writes something new

FUCK.

HELP?!

 

[bobbob]

Like, should I be angry? Should I say something?

There's no way I'll ever be able to get it out of my head when I'm around him if I dont.

Tbh I'm shocked and upset and pissed off, is this fair? Am I really supposed to keep this a secret and just end up reading everything from the sidelines, things about my actual life... and end up getting all worked up over it and over analyzing it all every time he writes something new

FUCK.

HELP?!

Cant give long answer, as in middle of something. But in brief, I would be really pissed off it that happend to me. Sounds like it was done in order to help u and out of love. But it was an inappropriate and assinine thing for them to do.
Should u mention it? Hard to say without knowing the partic circs and your relationship with them. But hope things work out for u.

 

[BlueGreen]

...that my partner has set up a website/blog about being in a relationship with someone who has depression (me!)

I logged onto his PC (as I do every now and then so that I can use the printer) and a browser page was left open.

I have no idea what to do. I don't know when it was set up but it seems like within the last few months. He has never said anything about it. Clearly he doesn't want me to know.

There are blog posts with touches on personal experiences all in an advice type style. I mean he hasn't exactly said anything bad about me but there's some stuff on there that just isn't factual and that he's mistaken in.

The most annoying part... being in an advice style, there's endless shit on there that he's written out for other people, yet doesn't even do himself?! Even to the tiniest extent.

I mean, it's largely a website absolutely full of things I'm constantly trying to get him to understand, that he pretty much never acknowledges/implements in real life?! The literal fucking cheek of it.


I have no idea what to do. Or think.
I really need some outside views on this.

That is pretty bizarre, especially that he hasn't told you. I'd want to know what his reasons were for setting it up and what he thinks he's getting out of it. I mean, it for the purpose of understanding you better or that he's looking to make himself look a certain way (cool, long suffering, Mr Understanding etc etc). Is it public? Is he doing it anonymously? I would definitely say something and make it clear your life is not a source of inspiration so to speak. Yes, not telling you about it is the worst part of it. Surely the whole point would be to understand what you are going through so why would he not tell you?

 

[KA9]

I know I'd be freaked out if I found something like that.

But I really don't think it's bad. He's most likely trying to internelize his thoughts and processes, and the way he found to do it is write. Well, publicly, yes, but since it's anonymous it's still essentially a private diary. (Actually maybe the blog is completely private?)

I don't know what issues the 2 of you are facing but he obviously needs a coping mechanisms and this is one.

As for the advices he doesn't use himself - I think that's quite normal. Maybe those are things he just doesn't want to do even tho he knows 'rationally' that they would be wise. We all do things we know we shouldn't and vice versa. That's just how we are. Similarly just because you ask for something multiple times doesn't mean he can handle those requests.

Again basically it's a diary. It doesn't need to be super accurate does it?

I dunno. Just my 2 cents about how it seems to me. Sorry if I upset you even further.

 

[Mremptyinside]

i agree. its most likly a copingmechanism for him. i would either sit down and talk or just leave it be for a while but save the adress/link and reed on what he is on about. maby u can learn another side of him. se this as an experience and even change his view of you. u can grind it to dust and make both of you unhappy. or have funn with it and learn. either way you will always have it as backup to bring to topic when needed. thats alot of power i would not regret having in backup.

 

[obiretter]

@KA9 No you're all good. These are pretty much my thoughts anyway which is why I just don't know whether I should even be annoyed or not.

Like, would I be taking that away from him if I mentioned I know about it..

To be quite honest I was always under the impression he barely even thought about the sort of stuff he wrote anyway. So I guess it's good in that it shows depth.
But after that the main thing to figure out would be if he is kidding himself that he is doing those things. He does have a huge ego problem.


@BlueGreen yeah totally not how I thought my day was going to go. It is public, he's used his name and initials so fairly anon. It's just so wierd.

From the way he's set it up, I honestly think it's a bit of a business venture. We're always talking about how we want to loose the 9 to 5 and be able to make money via a laptop. He mentioned quite a bit about 'niche blogging' and building something that way. I was always like 'but what about?' Guess now I know.

 

[obiretter]

Cant give long answer, as in middle of something. But in brief, I would be really pissed off it that happend to me. Sounds like it was done in order to help u and out of love. But it was an inappropriate and assinine thing for them to do.
Should u mention it? Hard to say without knowing the partic circs and your relationship with them. But hope things work out for u.

Thankyou. That reply in itself helps. ❤

 

[obiretter]

i agree. its most likly a copingmechanism for him. i would either sit down and talk or just leave it be for a while but save the adress/link and reed on what he is on about. maby u can learn another side of him. se this as an experience and even change his view of you. u can grind it to dust and make both of you unhappy. or have funn with it and learn. either way you will always have it as backup to bring to topic when needed. thats alot of power i would not regret having in backup.

Yeah I think you might be right. I literally suuuuck at keeping secrets though. It'll be hard to keep off my mind when around him. Thankyou.

 

[Sad Elf]

Hi

I think you are right to be cross. Whilst it may be a coping mechanism for him, I can't help but think there would be better ways to try and understand things from your point of view.

Elf