I've just had suicidal thoughts?

[Emilia7894]

I am thirteen, and a girl. I go to a community college. My brother is sixteen and is graduating, and I feel so much pressure to be like him and go to Harvard! My dad drinks a lot of wine with my mom and he calls my fat, ugly, and stupid and my mom laughs at everything he says. When I cry, she says I'm a drama queen.
At college, I only have fifteen minute breaks between classes. So, like a crazy person, I find an empty room and cry until my class.
I don't have any friends: Everyone at college is a lot older than me and any of the other people who are my age don't like me because I'm "too smart." They make fun of me and my brother laughs right along with them. He criticizes everything I do and sometimes gets physical.
I can't take it anymore! On good days, I think about suicide at least once. On bad days, I contemplate methods. I was about to try it, and the only thing that pulled me back was my cat. Yes, my cat is the only thing that's holding me to this world.
On the weekends, I spend all day in bed crying. He's the only one there.
Food tastes bland and I've stopped eating, and I've lost about ten pounds.
I don't think I'm a drama queen, but that's what everyone says. One times I mentioned my suicidal thoughts to my family and they called me a drama queen and made fun of me.
What am I supposed to do! I think one of these days will push it and I'll finally try!

 

[mdmefontaine]

hi...i am glad you reached out here. . . there are people of all ages here, so i think you'll find many that relate to your specific issues...

it must be really hard being in school with a totally different age group. that must be hugely isolating... and you are not getting any support at home...on top of it. i am so sorry for what you are going through - but there are many caring people here at s.f. and we hope you'll find support here . lean on us, and keep posting.....and we'll be here for you as you try to find solutions.

because, you are so very young, there is much of life ahead and many opportunities to change your life for the better. you obviously are very

intelligent, that will serve you well - and you reached out here- which shows me you are courageous and strong at the core

life is worth living. . you can change it for the positive. stay here and you may find many people with good concrete advice on how to do that. and in the meantime...many hugs. . . :grouphug:

 

[flowerpot]

I am so sorry.. if you want someone to talk to, i promise i will be your friend. i understand alot of what you've experienced so it's really upsetting.. i'm sorry that you're family aren't understanding. i'm sorry you feel so alone. but the thing is you have so much to live for, don't let them ruin your life for you, do you think they are worth it? why should you give up because of them making you feel bad. screw them. you could be so successful & one day they will be sorry for treating you like crap. don't feel pressured to do ANYTHING. do what you want to do with your life, do what will make you happy, don't worry about other peoples expectations. the only people that should matter are the people who let you be yourself & support you & your actions. do you have any relatives that are kind to you that you could maybe go live with? or friends? home should be somewhere safe, not a hell. & don't feel silly about your cat, you know sometimes my fish & dog are all that i choose to live for. i'm glad you at least have your cat. please hold on for him.

 

[helena]

Hi fabula806, and welcome to the forum
I am so sorry to hear where you going through.
Your parents seem to need a lot of lessons in parentning, and they shouldn't think they are doing any good putting you down or not taking your problems seriously.
I know how school(and family) can put too much pressure on
people of your age nowadays. It's difficult to fit in groups and
parents expect much of their kids or from one just because
the other one does it, or is not so called difficult, demanding atention, love, things a parent wouldn't need to be asked for, it's elementary!
Do you have a trust person on your school, someone you can tell
what you have been going through? It will for sure affect your school achievements at some time if it isn't allready, and you don't deserve to be treated like that and contemplating death at your age.
A lot of things will probably get better in time, but I do think that you
have to be heard and taken seriously.
I hope you can get the help you need, and feel free to post anytime,
there's allways someone around to offer you advice or comfort.
Take care
:hug:

 

[Emilia7894]

I just feel like there's nothing left.
If my cat isn't there at night, I cry because I think he's abandoned me too.
The one person that seemed to care (my grandmother) died years ago, and I now I don't have anyone. No friends, no family that cares. I talk to my cat, but he doesn't talk back, and I miss having friends and being happy.

 

[Emilia7894]

I've really tried to find something that'll help me hold on...I tried religion, I tried music, I tried writing, I tried art, I tried to make friends. I was just rejected from every group.
I'm actually really good at the piano and I bought on of those roll out piano mats, but my parents yelled at me for making racket. To them, Mozart and Bach is noise.
They used to be nice...I don't know what happened.