I've lost a friend, an uncle

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Oak, Sep 13, 2008.

  1. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    This man was not perfect and mistakes he has made more than i care to count yet the last years of his life he has spent them in repairing the ill done and get closer to those he has abandoned and given up on. He has succeeded and has regain respect for himself and from others and will be greatly missed.

    Why of this post? He is one of the few who has accepted me as I am, handicap, invalidated physically and mentally, a foreigner in his land he had open wide his arms to welcome me when i arrived. I am a no land person but he and a very few people gave me a sense of belonging and slowly helped me to make some roots here. This country in its realy is divided in two, north and south and racial is on from ages to and from. I owe him alot. My pain is not such for his death as his suffering had reached its peack and morphine was not helping no more. My pain is for his only child, his son that remain fatherless and a mother that is absent as a mother to him. He is a son to me and due to health and distance i cant be there to comfort him and cant assist to the funeral as such which further my discomfort. To be honest i feel like i've let him down when he needs me the most ad dont know what to do. i dont know when i will be able to go and see him and it is not the best time to make calls to talk to him since funeral is today. I feel lonely and isolated and so far when those few i love and care about and care and love e truely need me. i feel like a piece of shit even thogh i know he understand my circumstances it doesnt ease that feeling of being a total failure.

    may he rest at peace and i hope he has reached his mother awaiting him at the door of heaven.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun I'm sorry for your loss and how it is making you feel. But you are right, the young man will and does understand your situation. As for calling him today, maybe you should. Yes he will be dealing with many other friends and family but hearing from one who he knows guenuinely loves him will make a world of difference for him and you both. As for your uncle, he may have made mistakes along the paths of life he travelled but he recognized them and tried to make changes for the better. That effort alone makes him a wonderful person for trying. Try your best to connect with family today hun and know too that you have friends here that love you dearly and we are here for you.
  3. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    i tried to call several times no ansers. i called a relative to go check on him. he is in state of shock and not responding well to verbal commands. they got him to drink warm milk to which was added honey and something of a relaxant and was put to bed to rest. looks like he has been in his dad's chair since the funeral yesterday and hasnt moved from it. 24 hours later

    dunno what to do and i cant move. damn being handicap and stuck it sucks big time
  4. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    hi belcor..my mirror friend

    We are here for you! I know it doesn't seem like enough. The pain you feel inside, unbearable it seems. Your nephew will appreciate those deep caring phone calls you can make after the funeral to say to him how much you care and how much you listen to him cry. I know it isn't the same as being there. Hang on to hope my friend. That means alot in times like these.

    You know how to reach me.

  5. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss Belcor. :hug:
  6. Pingu

    Pingu Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your loss
  7. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    thank you all for your kind words. I am more worried as time goes. I dont know if his reactioon is normal part of grieving or not. All he does is sit and fix the wall with his dad's picture on the mantel. Since the seat is a recliner someone has the bright idea to recline it when he doozes off and my half aunt has put her husband's blanket over David and he is holding on to it as if his life was depending upon it. He doesnt cry, watery eyes at times but more staring in emptiness state and very unresponsive. he accepts to drink onlly if it is out of his father's mug with a straw but refuse food. Last night an aunt gave him cubes of fruit as they were doing with his father at the end. this is all he ate since thursday. But he wont talk to anyone nor acknowledge anyone's presence as if in an another world. IS THAT NORMAL?
    he is an only child and lost the only parent that cared for him and he was the one taking care of him either in hosp. or at home round the clock for months.
    I wonder if a doctor should be called in or if its normal reaction........??????????

    please help me understand, this is the first time i see such reaction in all my life. he is only 23 years old he cant go down the drain just like that its not fair.

    any suggestion is accepted. btw his father's second wife is where he stays at as he wont leave the place where his father died but do not respond to her. They had to drag him to the bathroom otherwise he wold have done it on the seat after two days. He is stunned completely

  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Unfortunately grief affects everyone differently. I've heard of many people that have just escaped into a world of their own after losing someone so close. Hun, he may only need a few more days, but please reinforce to those there that he be watched carefully 24/7. He may snap out of it or he may decide to try and hurt himself. If there is no change in the next couple of days, then I'd advice that he be taken to hospital and assessed. It is so sad when someone so young feels so lost. Hun trying calling again and have someone take the phone and hold it to his ear. Keep calling out to him. Maybe hearing from you will help bring him back. Dont know but worth a try huh? Sorry this is so hard for you too hun. Be strong, he needs you to be and so do I. Love ya and be sure to take care of yourself right now.
  9. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    it is hard to take care of me when so much is happening all at once.
    My uncle, David and Dawn, sounds like my family is being ripped apart.
    I keep on calling but no answer on his part. I cant call Dawn either
    so i feel so lost Carla. Lost and alone.
  10. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Awww hun, you arent alone, you have me and so many others. But I know it just isnt the same. Lost that one is hard. But granny you arent lost as long as you keep letting your friends in. Let me help keep you right where you need to be. Love ya and please try to take care of yourself. When this young man snaps out of this he is going to need all the love and support he can get. Who better than you? You have soooo much to offer. Love ya granny!
  11. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I've seen many people pass away in my long years but an automat like this never. He finally got up and went to lay down on his faher's bed and slept all night. He woke up late, washroom then passed by as if no one was in the house. He ate somethng from the fridge (left overs a few bite) and went back to his dad's recliner's chair. :sad:

    I guess we will hve no choice but to call a doctor in as there is no way to touch him, he becomes violent pushing away whoever touches him. He'll end up in hospital i fear. This was too much for the kid loosing his father. :sad:
  12. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    It isnt a very nice thought that he may end up in hospital but it may be the best. He needs help to even grieve let alone move on. As much as everyone loves and cares about him, he needs professional help hun. Now better than later. Please keep me posted granny and know that you are in my thoughts and heart daily. Be strong!!
  13. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    He has been assessed at home and an ambulance called in and is being recovered. i see a long and hard road for the poor soul. for now no one is allowed to visit him so we have news by the docs taking care of him.
    what a pity :(
  14. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well atleast you know he is in a safe place now and hopefully getting the help he needs. Granny please take care of yourself now. Once he gets back home he is going to need lots of support and love. That is something you know you can give him.
  15. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know Carla, but it is sure nor easy to see your family in such situation and beig powerless. I cant even go there in my situation so its a mind cancer eating you from the inside. I am close to a break down again i fear
    God help us all.
  16. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    How's your nephew(?) doing Belcor. He and yourself have been in my thoughts.
  17. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm so sorry for your loss hun :hug: