I've lost all hope of redemption. Im just waiting to find the curage.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mackan, Mar 25, 2012.

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  1. Mackan

    Mackan Member

    Why do I feel so whiny when im about to talk about myself, like I dont deserve to feel this way? Always so afraid of being judged, even on an anonymous forum :/
    Been on the verge of killing myself several times now the latest weeks, stopped the last second because I guess I hope that in some magical way everything will be solved but for every time I lose a little more of myself and slowly I realise that for this to be fixed I need to do it myself, and I cant. I wont. From the people I want support I get none, the little I do get is clichés like "hang in there" and "it'll be ok" "I'll be here for you if you need me" when in reality they aren't here for me and never have been. In 2½ months I wont even have a place to stay so before that im pretty sure I will have found the curage. I just want to be free of anxiety, panic attacks, betrayal and rejection. I want it to be over...
    Not even sure why im writing this, guess it needs to come out :lost:
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOU will never be judged here okay I am glad you are posting letting go of some of the thoughts and emotions it helps People are people and they mean well but for us to heal it will be up to us to open other avenues to help us Group therapies new meds stepping outside comfort zone and trying new approaches You reaching out here is a good step as you will see there are people who do understand hugs
     
  3. Mackan

    Mackan Member

    it's so much easier to just let go.
     
  4. Caos

    Caos Active Member

    yes, easier to let go but better? dont think so... think of it under all angles possible and give yourself time to see all avenues possibile to try to better your life. just dont sit and wish.. miracles dont come around often, need to go get the help we need, up boy... open the door and seek outside wht there is there FOR for YOU.
     
  5. Mackan

    Mackan Member

    yey more useless advice from someone who obviously have no clue on what it means to be suicidal. If all it took was to go outside and then things would be fine, that I wouldn't have done just that already? When just getting out of bed every day is a giant hindrance, when you hate yourself so much that you cant possibly see how anyone else could ever do anything but that? Not sure what I expected but it wasn't "go outside".
     
  6. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I think Caos was just trying to help.
     
  7. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I don't like getting out of bed either. I can also relate to the self hatred.
     
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