Ive lost control... *trig*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by sophie_b, Apr 30, 2008.

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  1. sophie_b

    sophie_b Well-Known Member

    Ive been so down, ive done nothing but cry and piss myself off all day.
    i started cutting again a few weeks ago. and every day theyve got deeper and deeper. then there was tonight, i cut so deep i was realy scared, at first i found comfort in the fact that it was bleeding so much. but then it wouldnt stop, 10 mins later its still bleeding, 20mins its still bleeding, 30, 45, 60. my cuts were realy bleeding, i was so scared. i bandaged them real tight but they wouldnt stop. i concidered calling an ambulance, i was really dizzy and felt sick. the room was spinning. i added another bandage. after a while i i must have passed out or fell asleep im not sure. but i remember thinking before i fell asleep that i didnt mind if i never woke up again.

    every day i put on a brave face to everyone, acting like everthing is ok. it isnt ok. im lonely really lonely. i havent got anyone, i broke up with my boyfriend, my mum ignores me and hates me. my dad isnt allowed to speak to me and when he does its breif and on the sly. my nan has moved away, my grandad resently passed away. my brother is in prison. my sister lives realy far away. i havent got any one. i feel like its my fault that they dont love me. and it makes me angry at myself, i can feel myself getting angrier and angrier every day.

    i just feel so lost at the moment, i feel like im loosing control of my life.
  2. Ann

    Ann Well-Known Member

    Darling, please call an ambulance. You passing out isn't good.

    People care about you on this forum :hug:
    Don't kill yourself!
    You need to be taken care of now:smile: Go to the emergency and let them take care of you and your wounds.
  3. sophie_b

    sophie_b Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your concern Ann, they stopped bleeding.
    im realy grateful that you care.
  4. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    aww hun im so sorry to hear you are so down. please be careful, its so easy to go too far. don't punish yourself, you have done NOTHING wrong.

    have u tried any alternatives to cutting?

    stay safe x
  5. sophie_b

    sophie_b Well-Known Member

    yeah i started playing rugby again to get rid of some of my frustration but its not the same.

  6. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest


    I am glad to hear you are ok.

    Maybe instead of putting on that brave face everyday, you should try talking to someone. Let them know how you feel. The thing about your brave face is, it is a mask, and while everyone wears a mask at somepoint, they cannot always. You need to talk to someone, whether it is someone who lives near you, a doctor or even someone on here, you need to let those feelings of hopelessness out before you can start to get better. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. *huggles* take care of yourself.

  7. *hugs* hang in there, honeybunches.
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