So I have had this girl friend who has stuck by me through my mental health problems and eating disorder. Over the last few months we developed to be more than friends and we both developed feelings for each other and it was going really well. Until I had a relapse a few weeks ago and has only just ended. I took my anger out on her by telling her to leave me alone and I would vanish for a day or two because I tend to run away from my problems when it gets too much. The last few weeks I was really bad on her. She's got a history of men who have mentally abused her and gone behind her back and cheated on her in the past, and she believed I was different, and I completely blew that by acting like a horrible and vile person when she was so good to me. But the way I have been recently because of the pain I was in, and the things I said to her, have made me see me as every other bloke and she no longer thinks I am different and she says she wants me to stay away from her from now on. That kills me inside because I wish I was able to control my head, but I was very unwell, and I hid a lot of it from her and everyone I really cared about her, she was the best woman I have ever met, I would take her over any woman in the world right now and because I couldn't handle my emotions because I was in severe pain 24/7 and I said horrible things not to her, but to everybody, she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. She's beautiful, has the biggest heart, funny, kind, caring and strong and I just ruined that. We had such a special connection and bond and I just tarnished it. I feel broken inside. I feel like I am going back into old habits because of this and I have negative thoughts coming rapidly. I feel lost.