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I've lost everything that I wanted today...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by JohnyH, Feb 13, 2018.

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  1. JohnyH

    JohnyH Well-Known Member

    So I have had this girl friend who has stuck by me through my mental health problems and eating disorder. Over the last few months we developed to be more than friends and we both developed feelings for each other and it was going really well. Until I had a relapse a few weeks ago and has only just ended.

    I took my anger out on her by telling her to leave me alone and I would vanish for a day or two because I tend to run away from my problems when it gets too much. The last few weeks I was really bad on her. She's got a history of men who have mentally abused her and gone behind her back and cheated on her in the past, and she believed I was different, and I completely blew that by acting like a horrible and vile person when she was so good to me.

    But the way I have been recently because of the pain I was in, and the things I said to her, have made me see me as every other bloke and she no longer thinks I am different and she says she wants me to stay away from her from now on. That kills me inside because I wish I was able to control my head, but I was very unwell, and I hid a lot of it from her and everyone

    I really cared about her, she was the best woman I have ever met, I would take her over any woman in the world right now and because I couldn't handle my emotions because I was in severe pain 24/7 and I said horrible things not to her, but to everybody, she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. She's beautiful, has the biggest heart, funny, kind, caring and strong and I just ruined that.

    We had such a special connection and bond and I just tarnished it. I feel broken inside. I feel like I am going back into old habits because of this and I have negative thoughts coming rapidly.

    I feel lost.
    gypsylee likes this.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi @JohnyH i am sorry you are having a real hard time right now, do you think counseling would help the situation?

    If she 100 percent wants nothing to do with you you have to respect her wishes im afraid :( but maybe write her a letter and post it to her and explain why you acted the way you did and explain that you have true remorse and are really sorry for all you have done and that you are different from the other guys she had previously in her life.

    Whatever happens, I wish you the best :) (hugs)
  3. JulieDegraw

    JulieDegraw Well-Known Member

    Tell her exactly what you wrote here
    gypsylee likes this.
  4. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    Hey there, break ups are terrible things, man. It sounds like you're still trying to sort this out with her. Maybe you've still got a chance here if you can clean up your act pretty quick. Let us know what happens soon, ok? GOOD LUCK.
  5. gypsylee

    gypsylee SF Supporter

    Hey @JohnyH

    You know, it's interesting from a female point of view to read these things (assuming you're male.) Men can really come across as the most unemotional creatures ever o_O

    Best of luck..
  6. Lady Wolfshead

    Lady Wolfshead Trying to re-dream my dreams

    All I can think is to to write her a letter, even if you don't send it, saying everything you want to say.

    Then, if she won't take you back, you have to let it go.
  7. Joe S.

    Joe S. Member

    You did a good thing in admitting you did some things that were not right towards your girl friend. That is a good first step. You should be able to relay that people that can help you deal with your situation. There are people who can work with you to help straighten things out. See if you can find a "spam" group near you. They are in many cities across the nation. I have heard good things about these groups. Also, a pastor can help listen and pray with you. Prayers that everything turns out well!
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