Hi, I came here last year looking for some advice or hope or anything to get me through my depression. I struggled but I got on with my life for the year, and now, unfortunately I have returned, not having anywhere or anyone else to turn to. I've become depressed, more so than I ever thought was possible. I've been in a LDR with a guy I'm in love with, for 5 years. We live in two separate countries, so it's hard to see each other often. I just came back from visiting him, and to say the least, I've never felt more alone in my whole life. I'm 23 and still living at home with my parents. I don't have a job, and I don't have any motivation to get one. I'd have liked to go to college, but it doesn't interest me anyone. All I want is to be with my boyfriend, but after searching for hours after hours every day online, I can't find a visa or way to move to his country (US). It's the main reason for my depression, and because of it, I have no motivation to get on with a life here in my own country. I want to be happy, but I want him in my life for that to happen. There's train tracks 5 minutes down the street from where I live. I think about going there every day and just ending my life. I can't cope with this pain anymore. My heart is aching for this guy that I can't be with, and my passion for everything else has been lost due to it. I have no more options left. Believe me, I've searched high and low. Now I just stay home, waiting to talk to my boyfriend online, but getting angry at him and letting all my feelings loose on him. I can't help it. I just don't have anyone else to turn to. My parents wouldn't understand. They would tell me to get on with my life, go to college, find a job. But that stuff wouldn't make me happy, when my heart is longing to be with only one person.