I've lost hope and the will to carry on

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ItsNotTrue, Aug 16, 2010.

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  1. ItsNotTrue

    ItsNotTrue Member

    Hi, I came here last year looking for some advice or hope or anything to get me through my depression. I struggled but I got on with my life for the year, and now, unfortunately I have returned, not having anywhere or anyone else to turn to.

    I've become depressed, more so than I ever thought was possible. I've been in a LDR with a guy I'm in love with, for 5 years. We live in two separate countries, so it's hard to see each other often. I just came back from visiting him, and to say the least, I've never felt more alone in my whole life.

    I'm 23 and still living at home with my parents. I don't have a job, and I don't have any motivation to get one. I'd have liked to go to college, but it doesn't interest me anyone. All I want is to be with my boyfriend, but after searching for hours after hours every day online, I can't find a visa or way to move to his country (US).

    It's the main reason for my depression, and because of it, I have no motivation to get on with a life here in my own country. I want to be happy, but I want him in my life for that to happen.

    There's train tracks 5 minutes down the street from where I live. I think about going there every day and just ending my life. I can't cope with this pain anymore. My heart is aching for this guy that I can't be with, and my passion for everything else has been lost due to it.

    I have no more options left. Believe me, I've searched high and low. Now I just stay home, waiting to talk to my boyfriend online, but getting angry at him and letting all my feelings loose on him. I can't help it. I just don't have anyone else to turn to. My parents wouldn't understand. They would tell me to get on with my life, go to college, find a job. But that stuff wouldn't make me happy, when my heart is longing to be with only one person.
     
  2. koolasakitkat

    koolasakitkat Member

    firstly. no matter how hard life gets, never give up. you must enjoy something in life. something your good at? Well maybe he should try coming over to you.... by plane? getting a job... will get you money which will get you an easier way to a visa. your going to have to keep trying.... it shows how much you care. you will ruin his life if you go near that train track....he sounds like he cares.....dont give up on yourself or him. :) it's gonna be okay
     
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