I can't find it anywhere. I keep all the things I use when I s.h. in an old handbag of mine. You know, tissues to clean up and bandages to hide the cuts etc. aswell as some broken glass I use. I like to know where it is, even when i'm not thinking of using it. But when I need it then it's there. Now I wanted to check it was nearby incase but I can't find it and i'm starting to panic now. If I have the kit I know I won't go too far, it's like a coping thing. If I use the kit I can restrict myself. If I don't have it then I use the first thing that comes to hand and that's when things tend to get out of control. Before I had the kit I ended up in a&e because a cut on my leg wouldn't stop bleeding. After that I made the kit up and set myself some rules. When i'm not feeling suicidal and I have the urge to s.h. it's for relief, so I don't want to do anything dangerous. What am I going to do if I can't find my kit?! I need it close by. I can't cope without it. It sounds stupid but it's like a compulsion i've got. I've turned my room upside down and it's not turned up!!