I'm sorry for asking for the attention. I'm sick of feeling nostalgic of things and opportunities I missed. I'm sick of ruining peoples' lives in attempts to connect. I can't even form an image in my head of myself. I asked some random people I know to describe me and I got this: "Um....you’re deep, intelligent, patient, and relatively kind. You're a good listener and you can talk frankly with people, which is both a good and bad thing. You are overall a nice kid...but you can be an ass sometimes, and do stupid things (i.e. eating dog food) for money, you strike me as kind of shy in person. But you say witty things a lot. I enjoy when I get to talk to you in the library. You’re fun to be around. For me, at least? I don’t know... you don't have a bad taste in music, thank god. You never smell bad. Actually I don't know if you have a smell. Do you? Well you at least don't smell bad. You write really well, and it has that dark sense of humor that I love to read. You're intelligent. You're cultured. You seem really introverted at times, yet you really aren't. Sometimes you seem like you don't care about other people but I doubt that's true. You're really fun to be around. You have...not sure of the word...well, common sense for one, but you're gentlemanly. Let me know if you want me to list more. Sometimes you say you're incapable of loving/getting to know another person but I think that's more of an excuse to keep yourself separated. Sorry that sounds harshish. It's sometimes really hard to tell if you care about people or not. Like not in a romantic way but even in just a friendship way. You sometimes seem a bit judgmental, not really ever to me but to other people, not that we all aren’t. However, I don't think you ever try to be better than everyone. You're kind of modest. You're really funny for the most part. There's never been a time where I really didn't like being around you. Sometimes, you're a pain when you're all mopey and ignoring. Even though sometimes it's a good idea to be ignoring me. I'd ignore myself if I could. You kind of portray yourself as a loner when that's not really the case. Sometimes you're intimidating. Not very often though. Sometimes I'm afraid to ask you things because I'm afraid of how you'll react but that's more of my problem than yours. Sometimes I'm afraid to ask you if you want to do things but again that's me not you. Umm, well you are artsy, really funny, and have a little bit of a dark humor." I'm not going to kill myself. I'm just not sure what to do with myself, and I doubt this would help. Sorry for the attention-grabbing.