I've been feeling like crap lately. Here's the deal, an old friend of mine from high school got married last weekend. And I turned into a total idiot at the reception. There was a girl there that I've known for some time. She's quite a bit younger than me (but legal mind you). Anyway her family and my family are good friends. And we always have a good time whenever our families get together. I was really excited thinking about the weekend because I knew I was going to see her. And it seems that at every wedding I'm at and she's at we always end up dancing and having a good time. So low and behold we end up dancing again at this wedding. At this time I am very drunk, and I'm not sure how far gone she is. I end up telling her that I like her but never asking her out, which was my sole intention. I guess I just figured I would have the opportunity to tell her later that night. I don't remember very many details after that. The dance ended and a bunch of us left the reception together including her, and we all went to a bar down the street for a bit. I remember being in the bar and barely being able to stand, almost falling over the whole time. Anyway, I end up walking back to the hotel w/ one of her cousins (I think), and I proceed to tell him how I hate my life and how I constantly think about suicide although I know it is not the answer. I have no recollection of getting back to my hotel room, althought it was on the 9th floor! Then I remeber waking up in the morning and slowly remembering the preceeding night's events. I remember being in my hotel room bawling, banging my head off walls and telling this guy how I came home to my parents house one night from a bar and just sitting in their garage w/ my dad's old shotgun and crying. Or how about a week ago, I came home from the gym, sat on my bed and cried (I wasn't drinking on this night). Now I know in many of these instances drinking is involved. But this is on the weekends only. I never drink during the week. I guess it's just kind of left over from my college days. I was also drinking shots on saturday (and I do not hold hard liquor well at all, beer is a little different story). So anyway, I 've made a decision to never drink hard liqour again. I've also decided that wedding receptions and other big parties like that are no invitation to just get plastered. I wanted to have a good time with old friends and possibly some new friends saturday, but I ruined that by just getting all out piss drunk. So I will continue to drink beer, but I have set a TWO DRINK minimum for myself now WHENEVER AND WHERE EVER I go out. I was going to just quit drinking all together. But I don't think I'm ready for that nor is it the answer for me personally at least not at this stage in my life anyway. Thank you for reading this far. I just really had to get this off my chest, even if no one reads this or offers advice. But my main question is, do you think there is anyway I could still pursue this girl? We've always had a lot of good times in the past, just joking around and hanging out. Do you think I blew any potential opportunity by not directly asking her out then/there on the dance floor, and also for my sloppy bar etiquitte, and god forbid she hears the things I said about suicide. Now I know I've got problems/issues. But who doesn't? I know I need to get things straight w/ myself before I open up to anyone else, but do you guys see any hope here? Or have I once again destroyed anything remotely positive in my life? I feel horrible because I really wanted to ask her out, but it seems I've struck out before I've even got to the plate on this one. Another thing that will suck is I'll have to see her again in the future b/c her family has been getting together w/ my family on thanksgiving the last few years. If she was just some girl that I didn't know before, I would feel as bad, but I really liked her, and I'll see her again. I know I will see her again, I'll see my cousin for sure on christmas eve who is close friends w/ her, and I know my cousin will confront me about my crush. I have no idea what to say here? Should I lie and say I don't remeber telling her that I liked her, and that I only remember very little after that (like stumbling in the bar, but none of the suicide talk). Or should I just laugh it off and blame it on the alcohol. Thanks to anyone who decides to delve inside my warped twisted mind. Thank you.