I almost did it. Almost. I don'tremember if methods can get one int rouble here, so i'll avoid mentioning what I did. I do feel a little light headed and my hands aren't working right. Circulation, i think. I don't know. I'm so close to finishing. My mind is dging mental gymnastics right now. Trying to convince myself that I should. That I have no choice but to do so. And at the same time, I'm scared. I'm so scared. I feel sick to my stomach. Idon't know what to do. I have a plan this time. And this was the only place i coud think of. I used to be a member here. But I don't remember my information. I haven't been on in a long time. Not because the feelings went away, but because i got scared because they got worse. I don't know how much more i can take. I'm sick of being lonely. I'm sick of being poor. I can't even afford the mood stabilizers that might make me feel better. I have no friends left. None at all. I don't know where else to turn. all i want are reasons. reasons to go on. but i can't find them. i can't find them anymore. and right now, my hands hurt and my hear thurts, and my mind hurts, and i hrt. i'm shaking and idk if it's from what i did, fromthe cold, or form fear. i can't take it anymore. please.someone tell me. someone tell me it gets better. becuase i don't believe it anymore.