I'm not really sure why I'm even doing this or what I expect from it. Not that I'm particularly sure of anything really. Yesterday marked exactly 1 year since my first attempt (I'm only on two now but I'd would imagine they'll be a third at this rate). The second attempt was only a couple of weeks ago when I spent a couple of nights in hospital. I'm not sure what I expected to change but everything pretty much just went back to normal and I can't help but feel, I don't know..disappointed I guess. It feels really selfish saying that though. I guess now it's been 1 year I've just been looking at everything and asking how far I've come since then. And so far I've just gotten worse. I'm trying my third anti-depressant right now but I can't imagine it, or anything else, making any difference and at this point I'm just so tired and I feel so guilty all the time, just for existing I guess. I feel like I've gotten myself so deep into this hole and I've left it so long without even admitting I was in a hole that there's no longer any other way of getting out of it. I don't know I guess I'm just exhausted of dragging myself around like this and I'm completely disillusioned with medication and counselling and I'm not really what that leaves but I feel like I'm pretty much just going to have to drag myself out of this on my own but I just don't have the strength.