I've never felt this before

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by JustRose, May 30, 2015.

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  1. JustRose

    JustRose New Member

    This happened last night, and I wrote it all down when I got up this morning:
    I was in bed, ready to fall asleep, when something in me snapped. For no noticeable reason, I had a sudden feeling of utter emptiness. And right then I thought to myself: “I just want to die.”

    Immediately I was horrified by my clear thought. I’d contemplated the thought of suicide before, but never seriously. But right then I truly felt that I should just kill myself. I had no reason to suddenly think this; everything in my life was going well right then. School was over for the year, I had no stress, etc. I should have felt very happy right then. But I didn’t feel happy. In fact, I didn’t even feel sad. It’s hard to describe that sudden emptiness I felt. I can’t really put it into words. I kept telling myself that there’s no reason to commit suicide. That common phrase “It gets better” kept running through my head. But the thing is, there was nothing to get better. My life is far from bad. I was fine, and there was nothing wrong. I was just empty.

    I’m scared of this feeling. I don’t understand it. There was nothing stopping me from killing myself right then, and I was desperately searching for a reason not to. But there was nothing.


    Can someone please explain this to me? I’ve never felt this before, besides fleeting little thoughts. I need an explanation. Tell me this is normal, tell me everyone thinks this once in their lives.
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    It is hard to speak for "everyone" - but I believe that everyone contemplates killing themselves, even seriously thinks they should, more than once in their life. I am sorry that this freaked you out so badly, and that you are experiencing a feeling of emptiness. I think that sometimes when everything is going well it is easy to feel empty - our daily lives are so often coloured by some sort of stress, some sort of anxiety or pressure, that on a day when everything is fine it feels so alien that we don't know how to handle that feeling.

    If this feeling persists, speak to your doctor about it. I hope it doesn't and that things feel "normal" for you again soon.

    Take care and stay safe :hug:
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