I've never hurt myself before, but now I feel like I want to...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by lymeinside, Dec 6, 2006.

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  1. lymeinside

    lymeinside Well-Known Member

    I've never hurt myself before, but now it really feels like something I want to do. I think it came from reading this forum. It feels like something pulling me towards it

    Maybe I don't want to physically hurt myself. It's hard to explain. Maybe I just want to not eat anything, even though I'm really hungry. I don't have an eating disorder, it just feels like something I want to do. Maybe I don't deserve to eat?

    Sometimes I do get the urge to try slicing my arm up a bit, just to see what its like. I don't like pain, but something makes me want to do it. Just to see how it makes me feel. Lots of other people do it, so maybe I should try it too.

    I don't know.

    I don't even know why I feel like this. I just do?
  2. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I hope you don't cut, I hope you can resist this urge, it is quite painful and not worth it, there's other less painful ways to release the stress inside of you.
  3. slim_to_none

    slim_to_none Well-Known Member

    honestly. as someone who has cut for over four years now.... its not worth it.
    the scarring you get doesnt go away.
    its addictive.
    and it hurts those that you love too because you have to go to lengths to hide the cuts / scars.
    dont try it. its honestly not worth it. its a sucky way to live. believe me on that one.
    and also, if you want to eat, eat. starving yourself isnt worth it either.

    if you want to talk more about any of those things. feel free to contact me. you know how to contact me.
    please be careful.
  4. lymeinside

    lymeinside Well-Known Member

    Yeah... thanks... I really appreciate that. You're a good person. :)

    I just don't know. I reaaaally feel depressed sometimes. Like I said, I've never harmed myself before. I read about other people doing it and it just feels right. I need to get back on antidepressants. I don't know who I was fooling by thinking I could manage without them. I get bad thoughts sometimes. I just want to scream...

    Anyway, thanks. I don't think I'm going to do it. The urge is there, though.
  5. kindtosnails

    kindtosnails Staff Alumni

    hi. im sorry youre feeling this way :hug: i hope you can find less harmful ways of coping. please read this sticky if you havent already..http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=18686...its quite scary but really really true. you might think youll be in control but its not the truth. its an addiction like anything...and i think we come to think its some sort of solution for our problems but its not..it just adds to them. as for the not eating, personally i consider that a part of self harm and once you start thats hard to get out of too. If you feel this forum is triggering you, i would advise you not to read the posts..If you ever want to talk about this, pm me I'm always willing to listen :) Take care of yourself..
  6. Come What(Ever) May

    Come What(Ever) May Well-Known Member

    Hey, please don't do it. It just compounds on itself. I've only had 2 incidents but its enough for me to know. I have scabs on my legs from burns that are approx 1 month old and its no fun having them. At the same time a started "cutting" they were simply scratches but it was enough to make me bleed. Then just this past weekened I had the urge to actually cut. The urge practically had me shaking like a nutcase. Needless to say I gave in and actually cut this time. It hurt bad and thats what made me stop and think what the fuck am I doing. Im just glad it has been minor so far and only once a month, if it gets any worse idk...My recomendation, don't visit here as long as you aren't SHing. I think thats part of what got me started in the first place as well.
  7. LSD

    LSD Well-Known Member

    agree with everybody-- its not wroth it.. once you start its hard to stop.. well you can if you want but usually people dont' want cuz its becoming adictives-- i started to hurt me since last year.. first were little things with the scissors now razors and surgical blades .. - i woudln't like you to do what i do.. its not nice--
    now i have a couple of scars that my mom wants to clean of my arm ^^;;
  8. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    ...i agree with this..you don't want to become just another SI victim...

    ..how do i know?
    i don't even want to be one.

    ..but here i am..all the same.

    so..please..stay strong...
    - Henry
  9. carbon

    carbon Member

    I know what you mean lymeinside. You worded it better than I can, but I get the urge to hurt myself sometimes too. Once I was absent mindedly scratching myself with my nails and when I looked down my hand was covered in blood. I usually don't act on the urge, but it's there. Sometimes I get so frustrated at myself, so furious, I just want to rip myself to shreds. If I wasn't myself I'd probably do it too. I'm pretty sure I know enough about anatomy to get an arm and a leg before I would go into shock. Anyway, I know the feeling, and I hope you don't act on it, it certaintly isn't pleasent when you do.
  10. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I've been feeling quite depressed and suicidal recently but have never though about cutting or harming myself, I absolutely hate pain and would only want to end my life quick and painless as possible, but thats just me of course.
  11. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please DONT EVER start cutting!!!!
    I cant stress it enough... its NOT WORTH IT! please!! :please:

  12. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    If you self harm, you'll be making the biggest mistake of your life. Please, don't do it. I've been doing it for three years now and I find it impossible to stop.
  13. lymeinside

    lymeinside Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone. I do appreciate the replies.

    I hope I don't seem like I'm looking for attention, because I'm not. I still have the urge to do something to my arm. In the past I never really understood people that did these kinds of things to themselves. I now do.

    Maybe I need to go jogging or something. I just feel like I need to do anything. I've got so much bottled up right now, I could almost explode. I'm writhing in my own skin right now.

    I don't think I am going to do anything stupid to myself. But god is the urge there.
  14. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    Can you use any distraction methods? I find writing about how I feel helps.
  15. Come What(Ever) May

    Come What(Ever) May Well-Known Member

    Yea it does. I'm suffering from a broken heart atm (source of my SH) and I just wrote like a 1,000 word story about love. Not only did it occupy me for like 45 minutes but it also gave me comfort in getting something out, giving enough nudges to tell people what I'm thinking without directly saying it. And....AGAIN, CUTTING IS NOT WORTH IT. Think happy thoughts, like :bunny:
  16. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    i´ve been cutting myself since 4 years,i´m 18 and i would like to read this before because is what happend once you start. You get addict to this shit and you can´t stop it anymore even if you aren´t depressed anymore. so i don´t know if you read it but i think it helps you.( i didn´t write it, a member called jaicee did it)
    ....before you make that first cut remember:
    You will enjoy this.
    You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
    Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep,
    And will heal easily ...
    They will get deeper.
    They will scar.
    They will sometimes take months to heal.
    And years for the scars to fade.
    If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body,
    Think again...
    It will spread when you run out of skin.
    Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
    Even if you are the most honest person ever to live ....
    You will find yourself lying to the people you love.
    You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
    You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth
    of your shirt, or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
    Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
    Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100....Be prepared for your
    entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting ..cutting and
    covering up cutting.
    And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
    And you freak out because the blood won't stop...
    And you are gasping....
    And you feel yourself shaking all over.
    You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't
    tell anyone.
    So you sit there alone...
    Praying it will be ok swearing you'll never let it go this far
    But you will, and further.
    Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that
    you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
    And the better you get at treating your cuts the deeper they get.
    You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself
    spending 20, 30 or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.
    You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the
    counter to ring up your order.
    Butterfly strips...
    3 or four different kinds of dressings...
    Antibiotic cream..
    Medical tape..
    Scar reducers.....
    You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move
    and no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.
    And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice...
    Someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same
    Someone who understands but of course that never happens.
    Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on.
    Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe...
    Longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots... gloves.. the list goes on and on.
    You will start looking at everyone in a different way...
    Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI...
    Just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
    You wont even think about it ..
    As your eyes scan their wrists + arms...
    Hoping just hoping they will be like you....
    But they are not.
    You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
    You will start doing a lot of things alone.
    You will always have to wash your laundry in private so know one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels.
    You will always be cleaning up the blood..
    Scrubbing your bathroom floor...
    Wiping the blood of your keyboard...
    You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting....
    Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies.
    When you get really desperate anything will be a cutting
    tool ...scissors...a car key...a needle ... a paperclip..even a pen.
    Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will
    find something.
    Say goodbye to things you took for granted.
    Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops. A
    normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
    Get ready to itch.
    Because you will itch and itch ..."so much you will look like you
    have fleas or a skin disease."
    You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully..
    You will dream about cutting...
    you will dream about being exposed.
    It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will
    wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting...
    At the same time, you love it and can't live with out it...



    think about it seriusly because is like this how will you feel with time. pm if you need it. i´m here
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