So I've reached a point where the only thing on my mind is how much I'd like to kill myself. I seriously think that the only thing im capable of feeling (either emotionally or physically) is pain. It's constantly emanating from inside me and oozes out in the form of constant suicidal thoughts. What I don't really understand is why self-harming seems to be the only thing that makes me feel any better. It's almost as if my head feels clouded by all the pain and the suicidal thoughts but when I hurt myself physically I get clarity for a short time. That said, I can't really stop self-harming for the time being. Does anyone understand what the reason behind my...I don't know, I guess I'll describe it as a "need" to self-harm in order to feel "normal", "clear" and "alright" is? Because I really don't get why it's the only thing that makes me feel okay. Seems a bit ironic that hurting myself because of the constant pain that I feel is the one thing that makes me feel somewhat better. Does/has anyone else feel/felt this way? What do I do? Should I kill myself...I mean, it feels like I should, but is there anything that can take the pain away?