I don't know what's up. I can't carry on with my life much longer living like this but theres many other things I am unhappy with. I've been giving some serious thought, fantasy in going out killing those I hate and then myself. The only problem is I'm too frightened to do it. My brain feels like its going to explode. I already see therapist, But I don't really want to get better for some reason, I have given up and don't really want to live. When I do go out, I feel the world is a bad place and people are out to get me, I feel like I have to be ready to kill people, but when I do see people that I think are out to get me I almost cant breath and panic. Another problem is I have huge urge to do risky things and when I do them I feel too nervous and know its wrong. To know I have another day to live tomorrow and the next is tortutre, dont know what I will do.