I am so tired of fighting all of this...It's been 42 years of pure hell..The only time I was happy was when I would get high,..I've been sleeping alot here lately..I jsut see the darkness moving in... The light is disappearing..I have so many psych problems that I am on a ton of meds..They work for some of my problems..I have been in total isolation for over twenty years.. I stay locked away in my bedroom..I just can't find a way to fight it anymore.. I have my methods all set in place..It will be over quickly.. Please don't tell me to see a therapist.. I saw one for the last five years..It helped at first then it got montinous... We ran out of things to talk about and I kept repeating myself.. Everytime I would bring up suicide she would just ignore it and talk about something else..I guess she didn't want to be held responsible if I go thru with it..I want to say thank you to my friends here on the forum.. You have saved me a couple of times..This time I have made up my mind..This is the first time I have entered a thread on the suicide forum..Good bye my friends!!