Tonight I lie here in bed alone as I do every night, and like so many nights before my thoughts are about suicide. I usually post something on Facebook to try and let others know what is going through my mind, but it's always met with either no reaction or, like tonight, a comparison with 'the boy who cried wolf.' Well, tonight, I've decided that I no longer want to cry wolf, rather, I'm ready to face the wolves and end my life. I was diagnosed clinically depressed at age 11 and was given medication and therapy. I'm now 32 and still take medication and go to therapy. No treatment I've been given seems to really help, it only bridges a gap that seems endless. I have zero self-confidence and crippling anxiety, I'm severely overweight, I'm hopelessly out of shape and I have overwhelming physical inadequacy issues. I quit school in my 11th year, obtained my GED and never went to college. I've tried to work for years but I'm unable to hold a job, so I'm on disability and rely on my parents for a place to live. When it comes to interacting with others I'm a true failure. I have no real friends to hang out with and I've never been in a serious relationship despite having been in love several times. I've had my heart broken time and time again with rejection and deception. I've been told that I'm a horrible, selfish person, once by a girl that I'm still in love with today (this was after sending her a dozen roses half way around the world on Valentine's Day). When I do manage to make a friend my symptoms get in the way and I end up losing them to what must seem like more selfishness. To sum it up, I don't see a positive future for myself. The only future I see is one of loneliness, hopelessness and dependency. Having experienced those three things for so many years, I'm ready to end my life. Nothing, outside of some sort of miracle, is going to change that. I've kept myself alive for this long hoping for that miracle, but tonight I realize that a miracle isn't coming to save me. I just hope my parents can survive my death and not blame themselves.